You may have what you see, but obtain it with your eyes closed.

its a beautiful day! -i love you too

"i know what im doing"

maybe if i say it enough, loud and confidently...
i could convince myself

finishing highskool is like driving over the edge of a very flat world.
ive lost ground and i dont know where im going. im freefalling, and its exhillerating and breathtaking! but when do i hit solid?

...so lead on? ive seen the end of hipe, i need to hold something constant, eternal.
i kno a truth, and i know i need it. You.

thank you...for hearing me!
..for choosing me

and i'll chalk the driveway with thoughts of you!

thank you lovely!

loveLife.liveLove

I bring Those Whom I Love

I bring those whom I love to You,
commit each to
Your loving care:
then carry them away again
nor leave them there:
forgetting You
Who lived to die
(and rose again!)
care more than I.

So back I come
with my heart's load,
confessing
my lack of faith
in You alone,
addressing
all I cannot understand
to You
Who do.

You know each heart,
each hidden wound,
each scar,
each one who played a part
in making those we bring to You
the ones they are
(and dearer each to You
than us, by far),

So-
now I give them
to Your loving care,
with thankful heart,
-and leave them there.

(Ruth Bell Graham)

i...love...cars!!

lookit me!! luoorve me!

halfway through life, wind in my face, sun at my back
no reason to turn around, there is nothing i have lacking...
God gives me strength and love is my freedom
life's nothing shorrt of shocking. she's awaiting!
its nearly time, its nearly over...
breathe with me, summer mist.

i love-

head over heels

exams shmams...

It all comes down to this
You take your best shot, might miss
You take it anyway
You're gonna make your move today
Got the will, you'll find the way
To change the world someday
Grab this moment before it's gone
Today's your day

It's on and on
It's on and on
It's on and on
Today's your day
So c'mon bring it on
It's on and on
It's on and on
It's on and on
Today's your day
So c'mon bring it on

And the view will never change
Unless you decide to change it
Don't feel like it today
Just show up anyway
And though life will take you down
It only matters if you let it
Get up, go through, press on
Today's your day

It's on and on
It's on and on
It's on and on
Today's your day
So c'mon bring it on
It's on and on
It's on and on
It's on and on
Today's your day
So c'mon bring it on

And though you wanna quit
dont think you can't get through this
you've come too far to walk away
its not gonna be today.
and no mater how you feel
its what you do that maters
this is your moment to be strong
today's ur day

It's on and on
It's on and on
It's on and on
Today's your day
So c'mon bring it on
It's on and on
It's on and on
It's on and on
Today's your day
So c'mon bring it on

and no mater how you feel
its what you do that maters
this is your moment to be strong
today's ur day

It's on and on
It's on and on
It's on and on
Today's your day
So c'mon bring it on
It's on and on
It's on and on
It's on and on
Today's your day
So c'mon bring it on

{-superchic[k]- its on.}

...so bring it!!
friday9am-12:15pm, will you pray for us?
rok on & God bless!

in case of emergency:

snort
giggle
laugh
chuckle
roll
smile
love.

one stride from the moon

wide eyed, small smile
glimmers of hope's mile
its now or never
love endeavours..

it throbs. the heat. exams are fantasies, reality is somewhere deeper. Danger lurks; escapes are sweeter...take my breath away. you alone, take my breath away?
oh so early mornings i find you by my side.
chance with me, i'll distract the goblins
will you chance with me, for a lifetime of treasure...
buy a chance with me, all i want- to have a chance with you
i dont need a rhythm,
they dont need impressing
we need rain, i'll dance in the rain.
it throbs...you beckon, i fall
for you,
i need you now, more then ever

strength from Joy, beauty from pain, birth from ashes, clarity-i seek clarity-from chaos.

i will take hold of your hand.

smiOLe!! hi5 and a century egg?

and it only appears hopeless
dont settle for it
challenge it...

push through the mirage
reality's sweeter
freedom is...here
dance with me, C
lead and i'll follow
smile me an aroma
u smellin' great
i need to give it more to you
give it all for truth
LOVE. brilliant, crimson, both.

the droplets collect and it all comes together....

you've been shot...

your not dead

get up and fight!

so, what can i say. im torn between working hard and enjoying spring nights. tho i must say I NEED A LOOOOOONG metal ruler....anybody? please!! pleaseeeeeeee!! bahh humbug!!

i have spraypaint *beams**.....and its reallly really reallly kool.....and i got a new thingo of white fabo fabric paint too!!! and mum's gonna sew my pants back up cos theres a hole init, so i can wear it to the wedding this saturday!! yay!!! and then i need somethin to wear to next satday's wedding....hmmmmmm. and and, things are looking up. if i dont focus on the little black dot, it stays as a little black dot, and u know what? it might even go away!! but i needa start on chem and methods and english and wood and do alotta viscom... JOSS i need the fotos!!

i havent showered today yet. and i needa go now and take a shower and go back to viscom.
but theres so much, so much i wanna tell u.

El Shaddai-Rock Eternal-Everlasting Peace...thank you

When this water flows down from the side of

Only you

Can you take

Everything that I am holding on to

Tightly

And all this love will

Crash just like you say

Cause your love it will wash hearts away

This time the world hurts, we're looking for

Words to say

Show me the meaning of Love

Show me the secrets of life

And I'll crash in the rain,

Your love is all I need

Can I change all I am, can I build a legacy

When I see everything that it was,

Was never what I needed?

When, When you take,

Will you take my heart away

Cause I need what you just have to say

This time the world hurts we're looking for

Words to say

Show me the meaning of Love
Show me the secrets of life
And I'll crash in the rain,
Your love is all I need

When the window's closed, but the curtains blow

And the paintings done,

You still see through

So will search my heart, I can rest my eyes

All this broken sight,

Just can see you

When the window's closed, but the curtains blow

And the paintings done,

You still see through

When they stand surround,

They all fight the rain

But I will see it's just a frame

Show me the meaning of Love

Show me the secrets of life

And I'll crash in the rain, Your love is all I need

-falling up-arafax deep-crashings

touches of blue and changes everything

it didnt sound much like i cared, i kno. my bad. i think i held back. but i do. but thats over now. ive let go, but thank you for being in my life.

dear survivor,
last night, i loved listening to you play the piano, u've come a long way, i admire you so much. i kno u read this sometimes, but yea, trust me, when skool's over i'll be coming over alot!! im gonna miss ya! not that ur really leaving. ur a beaut person, and i dunno where id be without ya. God bless ya in everything u do! ur amazing, please keep seeking Him, be sensitive....thank you.

-love nic

can you read the rainbow? promise the hail you'll dance thru its thunder, i dare you i dare you to dance. watch the nightsky, patience will reward you and you'll ride the shooting stars, we'll meet at the horizon. so buttercups and coral splendor, close your eyes and time surrenders. dont miss the sound of sighing seas. the waves crash over rocks that cant bleed. know that falling, falling is free, embrace it is waiting for me...breathe.

...so teach me

by the tree. by the tree. they are the new sound for me!
so i will fight you. who said love was just submitting to pain? its cos i love ya. the otherday was the last day of bleeding and the first defense. let glory. l e t gLORY. please trust me. oH LORD, strengthen him.
your strong, we'll pray, healing begins.

if i sound confused i am. there is...so much?
and its so rough?
but i can barely breathe, its exhilerating!!
exciting [to say the least]
its so LOUD, i cant quite make it out
so much noise. listen for the quiet...

the MoRNing was f r e s h
the mourning wont last
breathe in Your fire
teach me a new dance
Whisper Old Love
free-fall besides
i think i learn better lookin' into your eyes...

selfish me.i stopped trying cos it hurt.u were so heavy.and i was tired.and i got selfish.now its goodbye. please...i love you.im sorry...i love you

hold on to the sound, love's voice

the sun set. majestic. the stars rose. joy. laughter sweets. aroma's assuring. and i found myself lost in your love. i lost myself found in your arms.

the rocks,
they are there
smoothed over by a stream
cascading from a height
thundering down
freefalling silently
awesome and impossible
misty yet defiant
graceful and destructive
let me go,
i will thrust myself into the freedom
where hurt and peace collide
so long status quo
i think i just let go

...so this is love, lalalala, lalala laa

balance is precarious.

August evenings
bring solemn warnings
to remember
to kiss the ones you love goodnite.

you never know what temporal days may bring
so laugh, love, live free and sing
when life is in discord
Praise ye the Lord

well sung: anberlin. paperthin hymn. versetwo

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

...and then there is life,

the blade that so thrillingly exhilarates us and leaves us breathless; threatening to take that which it cannot, but taking whatever it can (only of material).

But the Spirit,

how He dances across the edge of the blade, like moonlight,

can any blade penetrate moonlight?

raCh and 30 seconds and an orange tram; fireflight was fleeting; the morning. the moments, as jagged as they were, held open a door. its stuck halfway, ive become...tolerant to its irritation.

smile. there is still joy. believe. would you believe me if i said that life could be all that you want it to be, today, yeah today. may i have this dance?

and today i saw

and today i soar

yizhou, we wont miss each other, cos we're going to the jazzbars.

please take my hand. lead me on. continue to whisper to me your lovesongs. steady the blade, my arms they grow weary, i need to defend the cause of the needy. and i'll close my eyes, you are assuring! the joy you bring me will be my strength. remind me to breathe. i am not my own.

im learning to take it. i know that we'll make it!

Lift.

think happy thoughts? i thought so. breathe a smile! eye the timtam, jump the fountain, HEREWEGO!!

the grace umbrella

"How can i, your servant, talk with you, my Lord?

My strength is gone and I can hardly breathe"

Again the one who looked like a man touched me and gave me strength.

"Do not be afraid, O man highly esteemed," he said "Peace! Be strong now; be strong."

When he spoke to me, I was strengthened and said "speak, my Lord, since you have given me strength."

DANIEL10:17-20

shout out to sandra(lee)! hope ya recovering well! we're prayin for ya!

STOP. PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!! why do you still try to solve the riddle? ive given you the answer. arogance exhausts the humble soul. here let me carry that, its ridiculously heavy and your tired. 15min powernap could save your life. i told you i would come back to you. listen to me, trust me, please dont do that. wait right here. kitkat? rest your eyes. -save me- concrete&grace.bruises&scars.trophies&memories. life inYour Love.

i signed dui's birthday card and spelt my name wrong...*doh

its bn a looong time!! since ive done so many things...
firstly, talking to you...

"this is what i want to say to you, if i had one chance to speak to your heart..:

...you are loved, more than you could ever know"

bec st. james' new album is pretty hot. but i still want that lazy lounge album more...and nicole nordeman's too. and i feel like singing that dance dance dance in the freedom we know song, cos it makes me wanna dance and jump and go nutts!! so that by the end of the song my legs feel like jello, thus bringing me to my knees in order to subdue the throbs of total exhaustion!!

oke. tuition was really kool today! God bless Alfred! :] wahaahha, his a kool tuitor! and he helped me with my methods n chem hw, and im not so afraid of the sac. and arrrghhhhhhhhhh for english on friday. and then thursdays gonna be everywhere.....

honestly. ive got so much to say and i began to say it...but but, daria's moving house now!! like....NOW now...yes, this very minute and as i type....exactly! my eyes are tired. im chatting to m'lau now. wahahaha, it rhymes.

i weighed myself again! so now im 54kg! yayy!! thats 2 more than last weigh-in...and thats the new record! and my calc's with wez! *phew.....well its more like daria's calc is with wez cos i left it at church....talkn 2 bigFish now...i dunno y i refer to him as bigFish...cos he got swallowed by a bigFish hundreds of yrs ago! wahahaha!

oke.....Dr. Seus.

hey! shout out to dre! its bn ages, but i dunno when we'll getta catch up...but stay alive till then!

n shout out to don! mate, u legend! u dunno how much ya lift me! n yay!! to seeing steve again on sunday! wahahahaha! oh yea. thanx gracey n will...what u guys said on the weekend really hit home!

but yea...im really blessd. and hey, God's really pointed out the big brotherhood He's got surrounding me. and tho sometimes i dont feel all's well, i have pplz 2 fall back on. and hey sister's, tho there are less or more spread out...thanx, i do have comfort in knowing you!

i have to go now! 2moro's a big day! tho i wont know for sure until then. Je meh brosse le daunt. i tried sounding it out, i cant spell in french....but i can speak that one sentence quite well, and i take pride in that!

will ya ever know what it means? i will! i'll let curiosity drive u mad [the way it has, so many times for me:]

rok on!! God bless!!

DONT DO DRUGS!! and save the last dance!

detatched, oh she loves!

my vision's blurred, sleep awaits me, she can wait longer. this train of thought is 5minutes long, wont be a sec! go away veil of matte finish, i want to see the factory bird!! thanx bigFish! i really appreciate it. i never saw it coming, and im sorry, i'll try be there next time. timtams are for those who roll in mud and know riches by taste. imagine...the land flowing with milk and timtams! the promise land! ahhhh, the thought evokes sensation and invites drool! and tho hardships i still face and a little bird just sang a sad song, there is hope. and i'll die happy in the hope of You. sweet sweet sounds tickle my ears, and the thunder cannot drown it. so smile laugh play, fisherprice. y did u cry for argentina? y did u repremand ur daughter, oh king tridon? shes a bright young woman, sick of swimming n ready to stand! so the prince hasnt saved queen kong yet. and the measurements arent right. i wonder if he noticed...the stars really shine, and the sand falls into my eyes. swing low, sweet chariot. meet me by the tower in the middle of town; and we'll fly from here to horizon end, and walk right on back again!

what shall we do with the drunken sailor?

what can i say?? carribean markets was quite an experience. totally mixed up! i think i got trapped in the blurr. i didnt quite feel with it. i played the part of the drunken sailor today...
and yada yada, im not sure why im here...now. not sure what im meant to say.

wahahahaha. life has been quite a distance from simple lately.
i cant say haywire anymore, thats an understatement! what can i say? ive been wrestling with myself lately, (at least i can say iv been winning...so lame, i kno!) and alla sudden, like a mass pimple break out, suddenly its not all smooth, and im not as perfect, and ive got issues...
bring it on? heck, well whats to do? moping over it never helped anyone...
if anything, learning how to get over one's self and see further than ya own self-oriented pain mite be one of the greatest lessons of life huh? and to top it off, i know im not alone. and i know that i dont have to fight my own demons.

My Grace is sufficient for you, My strength is made perfect in weakness - My Lord

whats the most difficult is prying my fingers open, forcing myself to LET GO of control. i think im a control freak, very subtly...a control frreak. and i like to be on top of things *duh! who doesnt riite? im just blurting...rambling, call it what you like, my main audience is myself. u kno the whole self-reflection thing....well yea, im doing that.

hey shpeshOoL starz! if ur out there...i miss yaz. but u know rite now, as much as it kills me, mb our paths just aint crossing, theres a time for evrything riite? mb now just isnt time. i miss others i used to talk to more aswell. heyya mikee! have barely kept in touch with ya too...my bad. havnt seen steve in ages, miss him too. wow. thinkin about it, i cant quite say ive been much in touch with any churcho folks. scareyy!!

whispers of silver...
who hears them? who listens for them?
whispers of silver.

soz for my lack of randomness and amusement lately, nic's currently unavailable. shez been pre-occupied trying to ward off an old foe, a familiar rival. so ignore the huffs of frustration, and muffled winces of pain, whats a battle without warscars? its like cleaning a self inflicted deep wound and then adding stinging ointment...

everything's gonna be alright, rockabye! rockabye!

be strong oke? hold on, i wanna help you, but i cant be of much help atm. but i know someone who can, and so do you. so ask Him. dont worry about me! im starting to feel better already :]

...He hears your whispers of silver

shimmer. please.

sharing with us what he knows
shining eyes are big and blue
and all around him water flows
this world to him is new
this world to him is new
to touch a face
to kiss a smile
new eyes see no race
the essence of a child
the essence...

he's born to shimmer he's born to shine
he's born to radiate
he's born to live he's born to love
but we'll teach him not to hate

true love it is a rock
smoothed over by a stream
no ticking of a clock
truly measures what that means
truly measures what that means
and this thing they call our time
heard a brilliant woman say
she said: you know it's crazy
how I want to capture mine
I think I love this woman's way
I think I love this woman's...

way she shimmers, the way she shines
the way she radiates
the way she lives, the way she loves
the way she never hates

sometimes I think of all this that can surround me
I know it all as being mine
but she kisses me and and wraps herself around me
she gives me love, she gives me time
yeahh.... and I fine

but time I cannot change
so here's to looking back
you know I drink a whole bottle
of my pride
and I toast to change
to keep these demons off my back
to keep these demons off my back

cause I want to shimmer, i want to shine
I want to radiate
I want to live, I want to love
I want to try to learn not to hate
try not to hate

we're born to shimmer
we're born to shine
we're born to live, we're born to love
we're born to never hate

shawn mullen....legend! wahahaha! i love 'im! and his voice is sooooooo....mmmm?
gnitez. God bless!

it hurts, seeing you get further. please, reach out to Him. please...

conJested

*whispers: ready guys?
STACKS ON!! *thud.thud....ouuch....

oOOhhhh, FORMAL WAS A BLAST! feet were tired tho, and i dint break my ankle in high heels! evry1 was lookn extremely HOTT, and it was hot on the dancefloor!!

well, what can i say? things are totally hay-wire (who came up with that word? genius!) evrything's here and there and evrywhere and frantic and hectic and and and HIT THE DECKS MEN, LAND AHOY!! doesn mean i love it any less ey?

watched pirates (of the carribean)! that was brilliant! and im soooooooooooo annoyed at the ending that im not going to evn start or i'll spoil it for you all! its brilliant........but annoying!

methink the skool is warped and stoopid. and im getting closer pplz at skool. and its greaaatt! tho i havnt bn making much ground with church pplz. yea, i miss ya! my voice goes funny when i dont talk enough, and riight now my voice is funny...

ive got too much to say and this wont do. so i'll leave it here, id love to go deeper but it dun fit and i dont want to...not on the net. or not now. or im lazy. call me craazy. im gonna go msg sum1 now!

heres a quote guys, and im very proud of myself for makin it up, u'd think it was a famous philosofer, tho if my name was more complicated, it would be fitting:
the exact spot one falls is the exact spot they rise.

and ya can make variations too! hmmmm, lets try this:

the action of falling presents oppotunities to rise

yada yada, try it...!

i need music. oh yea. i collected the cd i won from light fm. its got 25 OLD OLD OLD skool worship songs. im gonna go listen to it now. like going back to 1999, or 1997 mb even 1996. its nutts!! i want to listen to a live jaz band, or blues, or good old piano. sum1 feel free to just jump thru the window and tickle the ivory, i am hopeless at it, scared too. me and the piano have a horrendous past, we have a history i do not wish to awaken, yet i still love its individual sound, the simplicity. and tho i fear getting too close, i yearn to be able to master it. to tame my clumsy careless fingers and find the beauty in the heart of a mere composition...
bury the thought six feet under. its not for me, tho i could surround myself in its melody and forget all that needs forgetting. is love lost better than to have never loved at all? no. but then i havnt even lost my love for the piano, just gave up with impatience, and now it hurts. but i will still love it, even as it haunts me occasionally, and it teases me. i am jealous of you if you can play, but not regretful. and i dont make sense.

oke. hw, msging, sleep. gnitez. God bless!

"today ive finally found,

a melody that fits,

a melody that fits.

today i've finally found,

a song that i can sing

a song that i can sing"

raCh.
you are beautiful.

[s]melLy.
you are radiant.

gracEi.
im glad we're back.

aiLeeny-baked-beany.
shine! rejoice! sing!

aLi.
close to my heart.

mishle.
thank you.

jazz.
i miss ya.

mum.
our tears forged together are my jewels.

suzii.
hold on! i love ur strength

theres more. theres an infinite list. and im exhausted after listing a few.
im trying to not be so closed. wahahahaha, ud never know it...who would?? only one.

Better is open rebuke

than hidden love.

Proverbs 27:5

have i told you lately that i love you?

yea, im still holding back. im still scared of showing you all, all of me. wahahaha! mb not yet.

well the cold was there again 2day! brrrrrrrrrrr, i was victim to another wonder of creation. just trying think how it could be created, inspired, imagined. did i suffer? maybe. but i did learn to greater appreciate warmth, regardless man-made or God-sent i did receive it and cherished every ouch of it!! mmmm....it was asif the tention between an awkward conversation had been broken by the pure laughter of a long lost friend! thats warmth!

my OH MY!

im actually meant to be doing my holiday homework thats due 2moro....now. OOohhh yea, first day of skool was greeeeaaaaatttt!!!! kinda. i think jon broke our triple-pinky-promise....his a dead man 2moro!! im disapointed, tho not at all surprised. and he insisted on making the originally simply pinky-promise into a triple-pinky-promise! so...i shall pour out my wrath upon him in methods 2moro!!

movinnnnnnn on. i havnt got in touch with alotta pplz. my baddd. im so confused at where to start, what to do. and i think my time here is up! i probly wont be here soon. i hope not. too much to do! so much to see. need time to listen. listen. again. i need you!

oke. i'll quickly paint a painting, finger painting, clumsy strokes that unevenly distribute colours and meanings and rough feelings...

im on a mountain, and im nearing the top. terrain is beautiful, the view is incomplete, my eyes are strained. i need to go higher, oxygen seems lesser, i feel tired, excited, fresh, cold. im quivering and sweating. i long for the warmth. the sun is there, the clouds move to block it. i know only one direction. up. fingers are adjusting to the cold but hands but still blister and hurt. im not alone. i slip constantly. laughter is the best medicine. shhhh. rest for a bit, He leads me, i'll fellowship with you. smile. the top of the mountain is not far away. dont worry about me, im happy. "who never knew the price of happiness will not be happy" yevgeny yevtushenko (funny name!!). out of breath! but i wont stop prayn for you. please! ur face looks funny! wahahaha!! no really, stop giving me that look, ur crazy and ur face is funny!!

he did WHAT????

wahahaha. its a kool postcard!!

yay!!!! YAYY!!!! CAMP WAS ROCKN! BRILLIANT! and it was oh sooooooooooo...strange? i dunno if ive ever been on more confused (and thrilling) ride in my life!

i dont think ive ever felt as oppressed and heavily burdened as i did then....and then after, the freedom and peace and satisfaction that Abba Father so kindly gave us...

i love you all!! and ANTHEM! I LOVE YOU LONG TIME! wahahahaahhaa. we're family again, and theres unity again, and God....please take center stage. Holy Spirit, guide and guard our hearts please. Jesus, light our paths that we can follow you!

Absolutely amazing!!
tho i must admit, events have accumulated sooner than i ever thought they might. its been about 4 hours at home and im not sure whats going on, my mind is in a delema as i try to drag it out my old mindset, and living life is harder. Studies loom, priorities scare me. i still cant find my beloved diary....its been about a month now and im not giving up hope. i rkn its either at home or church. if anyone finds it (called: I HOPE YOU DANCE) and yes....stoopid me didnt write my name on it...but i will when i find it.

its scarey, this journey. and im excited. i really am. but i guess its come down to the point where i need to admit that im not always on top of the world, as much as id like to be. anywayz. i wanna go to sleep soon cos i needa make up for the lack of it at camp, and cos i whince at the thought of the holl hw i still hafta do. cant wait till youth 2moro....actually 4get tomorrow for now. 2nite has enough in itself!

peace. i like it. Jesus, Lord of all! i have peace in the thought of You, in the thought of resurrection wahahahaha whatta nutt! God bless yaaz! rock on!
**thanx tim & dan! loved the sessions!**

a hope and a prayer...and windows of freedom

gazing out the backseat window, traffic and lights: green, yellow, orange, red. streetlights stand tall. cars whiz by. i see it all. i was so far away. There was more than glass seperating me from the chaos that routenely surrounded me that night. Inside was no different. we all sat arranged, detatched, waiting blankly to arrive at destinations we should temporarily call home. friends. family. daria, ali, aileeny, sandy. i love you all, but i couldnt feel you, any of you, then...then.

and then this song....

And you ask me what I want this year
And I try to make this kind and clear
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days
Cuz I don't need boxes wrapped in strings
And desire and love and empty things
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

So take these words
And sing out loud
Coz everyone is forgiven now
Coz tonight's the night the world begins again

And it's someplace simple where we could live
And something only you can give
And thats faith and trust and peace while we're alive
And the one poor child that saved this world
And there's 10 million more who probably could
If we all just stopped and said a prayer for them

So take these words
And sing out loud
Coz everyone is forgiven now
Coz tonight's the night the world begins again

I wish everyone was loved tonight
And somehow stop this endless fight
Just a chance that maybe we'll find better days

So take these words
And sing out loud
Coz everyone is forgiven now
Coz tonight's the night the world begins again
Coz tonight's the night the world begins again

and He lifted me, my Lord, my Love. He lifted me, and we flew, out of the confines of molded metal, out into the night. So free. So high! and i felt that there was where i was meant to be! i released the fake reality painted by a harsh world, accepted the hand offering me a priceless timeless freedom. The stars were closer that night. last night. and we flew, chilled at the prospect, tho i felt no cold. and i felt secure, and i held onto Him and....and....wahahahahaa, what can i say? call me crazyy! that is love! this is love! IM COMPLETELY IN LOVE! and i wish you could feel it too! the way i do. totally breathtaking!!

im not anymore special, and it wasnt like a vision. its taking a ride on imagination (or rather, a truer reality), and letting yourself go, flying free with that very very special someone [creator of the universe]!
yea, it is a choice, i think i might have earlier foolishly turned down other offers, because it was a borderline decision, either lock urself into the lonely prospect and let sadness and lonely acho around you during those isolating times. or look for Him, call for Him, and He'd be there, waiting, purposefully...like He always had, just to spend that one time alone with you. We were never meant to be alone, You were never meant to be alone, so dont be! take up the offer! mmmm, i LOVE it!

well what to say? i gotta go do some hw now! i think ive done enough chem.....i gotta finish alla chapter 6 for methods!!! GOGOGO! why am i still here? wahaahahaha.

oOOhhh, ,b4 i 4get: SHOUT OUTT TO SUZii!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
she's a CHAMP! and man, gurly, dont freak out! we gotcha back! be prayn for ya! ya duing greeaaaattt!!! i cant help feeeln sooo encouraged by her. man, i love ur company more and more! and woohoo!!! press on! and dont try chugg it on ur own steam! it's all in God's hands too!

oh yes, and little nikki! i havnt made enough of an effort, and i havnt seen you in ages, but im praying ur recovering well, and hopefully completely very soon! stay strong! ur so radiant!

rok on evry1 else!!! LOVE YAZ ALL!!!!
loveLife.liveLove eh?

ballroom's the ball!

...ive got rhythm! ive got music! ive got my man! who could ask for anything more??
its on repeat in my head....and im lovn it. and the fact that thats the only line i kno kinda bums me out! mannnn....its sooooo funn! ballroom, or just watching, or tryna choreograph....well i shall attempt to find sum1 game enough to partner with me for a lil next week!!

wahahahaha. oOOhhh so i had a dental this morning riite? and well apparently i 'dont eat that many sweets' how awsum is that, my teeth brushing skills are mastered to such a level that i fooled the dentist!! *beams** well mum laughed, and i tried to, with his funny tools stuck in my mouth and sucking it dry.

errrmmmm. what else? riite now im chekn out movie slots, tryna plan for 2moro. me n stef, man its bn YONKS. and i cant wait!! just to spend time with her, to think we've lost soo much ground....we used to be sooooooo close! and grew up soo close! mate, stef u rok! i spent half my life growing up with you, as my bestest best friend, and then spent the other half of my life, letting that precious friendship drift.........ouch huh? well hopefully 2moro will be memorable!

oh yea, n dre, it was kool catchn up!!

pancakes only seem to taste nice when it belongs to sum1 else....thanx aileeeny!!!! ur pancake was HOT n very very yummy (dare i say i was seduced almost instantly)!!!

2day was day1 of shopping for formal... how du u think i faired? success?? failure?? wahahaha, man, lookin for a formal dress is kinda over-rated, either that or God guided us to the perfect shop. well the 1st formal shop we walkeed into, i walked out of with my dress. dress#1 i was really kool, abit more casual, but charlie was too much of a focus. dress#2 wasnt as bad, abit more formal, the skirt bit was real swishy, so that got 2 thumbs up. dress#3 was pretty much like dress#1 but definately not as kool, pattern wise. dress#4 made us all hysterical! it was the funniest!!! so we walked out with dress#2....! yay!! it cost $71.95
i think it was reasonable. its not cheap, but not expensive either so...*shrugs...

ive gotsa chek my mail. and i dunno what else to say? last nite rocked! the message really hit home. n ive got alotta work to do! both spiritually and homework-wise......ohhhh deeaaarrrr. this shall be fun! (no intented sarcasm there...im serious)

ohh and Esterrrrrrr!! i dunnno if u'll ever read this, but ur soooo koooooooL!!!!!!!! riteo peoples, u wanna meet a really beautiful, awsum and on-fire chic? Ester's ur gurl! shez HOT! and i really admire her...(no idea why shez still single)

well what can i say? this post aint very structured yada yada, and im just givn a brief account of the last few happenings, so yea. tune in next time for ur next lot of hopefully more entertainment! wahahahaaha

hey guys, love ya all!. OOOOOOohhhh
HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO PIKKLES
and...and JADE!
ya both like family to me! and i mean that!

riteo. cyaz all! rok it on! God bless!! and thanx for ur contrib. in my life!

silence

There is something about complete silence...it's purity, wholeness, nakedness.

The best description I can conjure, for silence, is white. Silence is white. And unlike black and it's absorbing, covering nature, the silence, in its demanding purity, illuminates. It singles out the spicks and specks in the loudest fashion...possibly why silence is so rare in this day and age.

It took long enough to get away from the physical noise, the hustle and bustle of melbourne. It took even longer to clear the mental noise and chaos that had made itself comfortable inside me. Events and plans racing away, excitement, fear, reminders, memories....
I "walked" away from it all, a girl, forgetting temporarily the world that would not and could not last forever, to remember for a time and an eternity, a God, a friend, who would.

It was strange, feeling naked against a blinding white, in a perfect silence, it all droned away. I stuttered abit, echoes of my thoughts and words smoldered away in the silent dimension, like pollution, so I stopped.

Silence. I decided to remain silent. Be still. STILL...and know that I AM GOD. My defenses fell, and the white stripped me, I appeared before my Lord exposed and wholely myself. He taught me, led me, reminded me of ways and promises, repremanded me for my disobediance, gave me peace, restored me.

And then with the touch of a button, the silence rippled away and the white exploded into an array of composed colour as music made it's entrance and took the stage. And in the confusion of the sudden jolt between two dimensions, differing in time/eternity, and chaos/purity, it took me half the song to climb back and become me as i was in this world. Trying desperately to linger in the calm of eternity, but to no avail. The memory, as long as I allow it to be, is a constant reminder to revisit the secret place, and relive silence. God, my Lord; Jesus, precious savior; Holy Spirit, my ever-ready soure of encouragment and convistion, YOU ROCK MY WORLD!

you should try it. but yea, ya'll never find the time, you hafta make the time. decide to push it all away n try it. ohh yea, its easy at the start to fall asleep! dont! wahaahahahaha

riteo. cyaz alll!!! whoooaaaaaa, i need lunch!
SMILE IT CRAAZZY.
loveLife.liveLove!
[wahahahaa, hey ali failed again at acomplishing toffee, tho it still tastes wicked, its sooo badd for ya! waaaay too sweeet]

time to snack!

oke oke....so my viscom folio is DONE

aileeeny looks HOT

life is GOOY

and i dunno what to say. so i'll stop here, i gotta reserve energy for studying later tonite, might evn borrow corpse bride, and gnitez n God bless all!

[ohh yea, mention towards my family, mum n dad: ya ROK my sox off! thanx for all the support lately, ali: i just love ya!; n God, ur the cement n foundation of my family, n i love ya crazy!]

one more thing. heya mikeee, ,i think weneva i comment on ur space, if i say ur name: "mikeeee", it is considered prohibited...i think thats how it works. ouch huhh?

love yaz all!

the apple hurt me, im scarred for knife!!

im tired. my eyes are gettng layzeeeeee....

the cold today...it was special. it was crisp and precise and it chilled me, the way cold is meant to. and i found it really facinating. just sitting there waiting for mum to pick me up, and then i stopped thinkn n thankin God for it cos i got company (yayy jazz~!) n yea, thanx for the foooood!

and its casual day 2moro. and i got the last methods sac for this term. and i cant find it in me to just study 2nite. chem is sucha loser.

oOOhhhh. Joy to the Lord! walked passed my english teacher n we exchanged "gmorning's" and then she stops and comments "nicole, you did well in your oral presentation, a good effort" and then i hafta ruin it by stating "yea? realllly??? i didnt think it was very well prepared" as in I only crammed like mad in which she replied "dont tell me that!"
well thanx God, all glory to you, for giving me the inspiration and energy to pull that off the night b4 and finish it in the presentations b4 me!.......(yes, im beaming)

viscom's sickly sweeet. im lovn it, but iv had too much of it lately n its making me sick.
wood is getting somewhere......

mish's birthday 2moro!!! so evry1 go spam her at midnite!

and i really really shouldn be here. gnitez!

quote of the day:
"nicole will you marry me, life would be soo much more funnier, imagine, us at 80!"
-that was yizhou....we had too much fun in methods, laughn n sayn the stoopidest things. well yizhou, she rox...tho i still havnt said yes

FAREWELL AND GNITEZ ALL!!

where else but queensland!

oke oke. so on account of last nite. completely insane!

so, we'll start with me entering the building....
*nik has entered the building*
and there was something of...uncertainty

worship starts, my mind's a wondering. i cant focus. and then it snaps. i drop evrything and i start singing, but i stop. and i throw all i have in my hands, in my heart, on my mind...just down. and i guess the burden slips down, and i let it fall to the ground as i fall to my knees. and i try to pick up my burden...it feels like im holding broken pieces of myself and others. all these hurts, accumulated in the period of 2 days. and i guess. all i feel there is blank, black, pain, hurt, despair, desperation. it was turmoil and i didnt even know what the cause was. it just wasnt working. well there....riight then. that was my alter call, He called me to himself, i couldnt move, so He approached me. and he took it all. he took it all. and i walked away from the alter, pain and uncertainty dripping off me. and i walk away. and then i walk back. still seemingly lost. i couldnt understand. and then there, he reminded me of his joy, and i smile. it strengthened me. and i smile summore, and i laugh. and its all back! the joy of the Lord. and there! all the uncertainty, gone, but im still lost. but not afraid. i take his hand. He knows where he's going. i'll follow him.

well then daz comes up n preaches. it was koool. it really was. and then something even kooler happens. daz makes an alter call. and what's so crazy is that it was the exact same call that i heard in worship, it was the same call that i had responded to in worship. but i still go up. i dont kno why. n then i laugh at my silliness, i didnt need to be there. actually i think God hadda reason for givn me an earlier call, so that he could use me to comfort another. earlier it was me in need of a comfortor...no longer.

and later, just jamming was funn, and just God is greeeatttt. oOOhhh yea, and then josssss comes up n tells me i'm RED. RED. and i loved what he said. it was kinda the weirdest thing id heard n never expected to hear in my life. but i loved it. ehehehehe. hope i dont spear any1 tho joss! wahahahahaa.

oke oke. well guys. RoK IT ON!

oOOhhhh. VISCOM IS SOOOOO EXCITING!!! oOOhhh, ehehehe. cant wait till im finished. but its takin agesssss!!! gaaaahhhh. but i think its gonan be kool. its not such an impossible thing no more! ohh yea. n i gottafigure out my speechy thing for monday. n do about 8 overdue chem prac write-ups. oopz. n then that prac test for methods! ahahaha. n mum wants me to go for a movie!! ahahaha. we mite go for a family movie, da vinci code. see hows things roll up!

well i dont kno if i can be botherd takn a shower........call me crazy, im feeln lazy [it RHYMES...2points for me!] well not quite lazy, i got too much to do to be takn a shower!

oOOhhhh, and im pumped about camp! n shout out to angel!! both of yaz! skool angel and angel my cous'! man, i love ya emails ange! CHAMP CAN BARK! wahahahaha

ohhh, and if u guys have the time. gerald mcBoing boing is on abckids i thinks its....4somethingpm! 4:10 or 4:20?

well he ROX! wahahahahaha.oke oke. im off!
ROK ON GUYS! n DOLLS! love yaz all...yes, even you! God bless! oOOOhhhhhh the JOy's of livn! the Joy's of the Lord! ahahahaha

i didnt pinch myself....but im awake...methinks

well birdz is gonna paint his room, n im gonna paint my own loo. when i get a place of my own.....

lets seeeee, the roles of manufacturing industries:
to succeed in satisfying the clients (target audiences) of a particular product, or range of products, in both design and convenience, such that the manufactured product surpasses competition; therefore leading to greater sales, and consequently a higher profit.

does that make sense? i made it up. sounds smarty hey? look what im pulln outta this brain of mine lately. i dunno whats left in there. so much has been comn outa lately. hope i cant rememeber to breathe occasionally.

hey hey, hows abouts an icecream. id love one....now? nah. tomorrow? no can do. wensday! fine with me! hey wait a sec....im outta change. but i gotta colesmyer giftcard...that'd do riite? will do.

:] i like talkn 2 myself. or not that i like or dont like it. i just do, and it just works. and i think im rambling.

i should go. i kno i shouldn have come on. greeeaaaatttttt, now i gotta find more ways to distract or undistract myself. rumble's koool. his soo koooool. oke dokies. i feel so....funnny...outta it.

truth? i dunno what to do?! im exhausted. excited. and i know what to do. or i think i know what to do, but i dont think i want to do it. and i feel like chasing my tail. if i have one. i mean i feel like im chasing my tail.

riteo. God, i need ya 2 be my strength in times of weakness (homework/study) i think im gonna pop. ..........hey! like that chik on the 1st charlie n the choc factory, ,how she was gonna pop, so theyt hadda squeez the blueberry juice outta her b4 she popped! well kinda like that.......kinda

oke oke. i BE GOING NOW~!....NOW!...no.....NOW!
:] wAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAHAHAHAHa.....cyaz guys. delusional...funny word, that!