The sky is constant. The clouds just make it look like its not. I think the sky is always the same. Even at night. We just can’t see it the same because the sun doesn’t shine up on it for us.

But I can’t explain how the blue sky goes orange or purple like when paint pallets mix. It just does. And I still think the sky is constant.

But I know nothing is constant, we seem to be destroying it. Us. Our comfort is always at the expense of someone or something else. All those black balloons are putting a hole in it.

Love’s a funny thing.

Freedom’s something wholly crazy.

This road, If you want me to, Free. Ginny Owens. She’s a brilliant artist. The words in her songs are so honest, I don’t know anyone to not relate. Oh, and she’s blind, but you’d never know it; it doesn’t stop her from playing the piano. Friend, she’s mellow.

Famished but I’m comfortable here. Anyway, eating out alone isn’t very eventful. I’ll eat a little on the train ride back.

Hope for tomorrow. Hope for a good tomorrow. OR Just hope!

So if I took some time, some wine, a canvas, some paint and remembered an old idea that i quickly scribbled a good few years ago... I would achieve something arty-farty, but finally achieve it none the less and tick it off my Want-to-do-when-I-have-a-whole-day-to-do-it list. No, I don't like drinking wine; tastes horrid! But I think there is no better way to express wine then by actually using wine to paint. Or perhaps spilling wine in the write places.
......

Do you know those balance water bottles that are simply shaped but stupidly priced (they are sold at coles, I have yet to see them in safeway). Yes, just visualise with me. If one third of the water was drank (drunk? drinken? drunken) so that two thirds was left, and you tried to balance it horizontally holding it simply in the middle with just one hand. It becomes very clumsy and balance is mostly precarious. It takes the slightest of anything before the water tips more to one side than the other and when you try to quickly bring it back to equilibrium and it rushes to the other side and to and fro and to and fro till you let it settle, or give up. or yada yada

Well that. Balancing responsibilities kinda feels like that. I woudln't say I am irrisponsible and I hope you don't think that. I don't have a choice, and I am being forced to learn and adapt quickly; and be boring if you will. I will try; and fail as I might, learning is the ongoing process, and humble pie I pressume is waiting for me somewhere along my travel. So, if you have nothing on your agenda, then I would gladly accept and appreciate the company. You know what they say:
"The road is never long with good company!"
And you know it!

No, i don't think i understand.

Its taking too long. Why does it take so long?

I have to commit to this higher education if i want to become a teacher. I want to become a teacher. But it takes 4 years, and i feel like, i dont feel like im doing much.

I think this rethink is thanks to raCh, and that greeaatt video she and adora made. Wow, its really contagious. She got a passion for making poverty history! Wow. and now i wanna get involved, maybe its something about working together for the better of the world. Maybe. raCh! your beautiful! very inspiring. I think theres a lot for me to learn from you!

God bless you and all who go on that road trip! You're doing a great thing! Will be seeing you on the holidays!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7ncQdJ5TSMI&eurl=http%3A%2F%2Fpaintedbones%2Ewordpress%2Ecom%2F

be inspired!----^

exam tomorrow and i dont feel like it. It takes so long, but it will take me to where i want to go. Though it doesn't mean i cannot do other things in the mean time. Maybe it's simple.

Yesterday i walked into the Mens room. Why? Because i felt like it.
That, and I was so involved with my conversation with Angel on the phone that i just kept walking....Forget that I opened the door and brushed passed a guy on his way out, and that confused look on his face. I open this door, to be greeted with guys turning around to a loud talking voice of feminine on the phone to her friend. BANG. Oh Hello. Yeah, it hit me...My bad, wrong room!
What do i do? I whirl around to see Grace very satisfied, utterly shocked and on the verge of laughter. So no words are exchanged, and I walk straight out as if it were a natural occurring of mine. I hang up on angel, we walk straight into the LADIES and burst out laughing! Flustered and totally hysterical. Yes, and that was just the start of the night...

Well, then we go up to the little box of people who give us tickets to see movies.
"Hi! can we please have 4 tickets to oceans 13"
"Umm...it's not showing til next week"
"Oh."
How Grace and I missed the date on the showing times when we checked for movies...I don't know.

Well, then gullible me, falls for a prank by these randoms who gave out photos and told me to present it at the ticket box for a prize. "They'll know what it means". Oke! Grace got one too,. but she's not all for making a fool of herself. Oh, and the randoms video me from a distance.

Well, yada yada...skip to the end of the night. Time to take us home, Grace first, then me.
We get in the car, Grace starts laughing and tells me to look through my window. I don't. And she keeps telling me, till I do. This goon decides to change his pants, so I finally look to my right to be greeted with a white ass crack and a silly face. I think I've been humiliated enough.

Apparently not. I try start the car. It doesn't start. What the? The car isn't starting. Then i see that I left my headlights on and my batteries have died. I just about died with them. I call dad. He comes. Jumpstart. I send Grace home. I go home. I watch dad charge the battery. He goes to sleep. I go to sleep.

Oh what a sleep. Charming couldn't even wake me!

I wake up and dad's written a list of my new limitations. Way to start the morning! Ally's pumpkin scones do the trick. Gotta love her!

Lessons learned:
1) Check the date when checking out movies.
2) Remember to switch of headlights.
3) Call friends out or find friends nearby when jumpstart is needed (I now know how to jumpstart and charge battery, and have the right cables in the car)
4) Walk into the correct bathroom.
5) Don't order Japanese Calpis drinks from star east. (It sounds disgusting...Calpis, no matter how you try to say it, it sounds like Cow piss)
...I might have learnt more. Oh a very eventful night!

I doubt I can fail to entertain company when I've got a knack for attracting disaster.
No regrets, I'll have plenty of stories to tell the grandkids! Wahahahaha!

Encore.

oh i love our Journey! Thanks guys.
...and so went on, the adventures of...the Insano Flying Kid.

Celine Dion is good study music!
Rocks for raisins!

"Sing for your supper!" shrieked the lady. Well you could hardly call her a lady, she wore a respectable gown with material that looked like and matched well with the traditional green, patterned purple, curtain drapes. Her face however...was grey. Who has a grey face? She had a grey face! I don't know how, but she did. And her features were startling! Ears that looked like scallops, they were tiny and had a lack of detail. It was not purposely curved like yours and mine, but of quick and clumsy design. Her nose was like an upside down ear but thicker, with no holes or details. Her eyes were large. Yes, quite large. They reminded me of Synthia's goldfish, except this crazy woman’s wasn’t bloodshot, and she could blink, and her eyes were a little less swollen and they weren’t popping out of her head. Believe me! If you were there, you’d see what I mean! Her mouth was juicy. No, I did not want to eat her lips or kiss her. But her lips were juicy! They were proportionate and were this kind of richness that reminded me of corn beef. The really-tasty-full-of-flavour-but-not-my-favourite kind of beef. Oh, and she spat when she talked, I’m no dentist, but she needed braces.

I was rather confused. I was commanded to sing for my supper.
“Umm, Miss, but I’ve made my own supper.”
“So sing for it!”
“Why do I need to sing for it?”
“Do you want it back?”
“What are you talking about?..” Yes, and then it hit me and my heart sank
“..you wouldn’t”
“Just watch me.” Oh how it pained me to see her lips curve into that stupid smile. What was I to do? I had made this marvellous cake and this crazy lady had stolen it.

And I could tell you the rest, but it’s a long story. And that is why I didn’t get much work done. I had to sing my cake back…or try to. In the end, she wouldn’t give me my cake back so I had to steal it back. Credit also to a horse on a skateboard who helped me. I called him Shord because he was a Skating Horse On a boaRD. Smart huh! Oke Dokily. Now I have to try get myself back to my own time and home so I can get some study done!

;)

My baby dont care for shows
My baby dont care for clothes
My baby just cares for me
My baby dont care for cars and races
My baby dont care for high-tone places

Liz taylor is not his style
And even lana turners smile
Is somethin he cant see

My baby dont care who knows it
My baby just cares for me

My baby dont care for shows
And he dont even care for clothes
My baby just cares for me

My baby dont care for cars and races
My baby dont care for
He dont care for high-tone places
I wonder whats wrong with baby
My baby just cares for
Just says his prayers for
My baby just cares for me

A jazz sung smooth song. Heard it once, can't get it out of my head.

As cocky or confident as this woman is, she persuades you to agree and then begins the brainwash of you singing and possibly soon believing the same.

todaydreams

Try to focus on the far-away beauties. The graduating beauties that you know not of at first glance. They come into focus, and something about them leave a longer lasting impression.

Today is slow, and I'd wish everyday was slow, except that i wouldn't know what I was asking.

I want to subscribe to days of appreciation. To be aware of all that surrounds, to understand and be grateful. Right now I am surrounded by windows. It's beautiful. How the sun is filtered through the shades, how it falls gently.

So slow, so meaningful. I want to enjoy it everyday.

Take me to a cafe, a patisserie of beautifully carved pastry, made with love, cooked with care. Let the ivory tinkle, and release a voice of jazz. Pluck at an acoustic, let the high-hat be consistent. Even a cello and a trombone, or a viola and a trumpet. Let the sun shimmer through the window, the breeze whisper gently... And it would be heaven if Jesus would sit with me. And sweet if you would join us.

Things of old, things of new, all things good.
love, nikki.

I like it not so bright except in the case of all things beautiful.

You know the feeling when you want to tell them, like you really want to! Cos they'll listen and cos you trust them...but you know it'd change their perspective of you? And that keeps it in? yea well...That. It might not change their love for you, probably wont..but theres always the but. The but changes everything!

Apparently i desire simple that is not so simple; that apparently involves attention that cannot be given. Why can I not approach anyone?

..if you really love me, you'd buy me a skateboard!


Here's to another attempt to Happily Ever After!! Cheers!

Awaiting a Ppassport to further freedom!

gollygosh! i dont like the thought of google taking over the world! but i wanted to blog, so i created a google account, blackmail! goodle's buying evrything over! brilliant!

anywayz! SOOO much has happened! soo much i cant remember much! and theres been a lot of drama. theres been fun and the not so fun. and i dont know where to begin. lets start...

here.
DELEGATING DIGNITY
I have a slightly better bearing of my place in the world now, than I had before. Am beginning to be more aware of the things I do, attempting to make them good. Make my actions good? Thats up to the individual and interpretation. I want to have dignity not pride. Is there such a fine line? Or is it just me?

FUN & FEELING
Fun is not so active anymore. If fun is a good time, then I've found myself experiencing such in a quieter way. We went out to the city last nite to watch Goom's sing (and oh was it beautifully done!). After that we did stoopid stuff and posing on Matthew Flinders yada yada, but i think the time when i really enjoyed and relaxed myself was just sitting on the bench not feeling chilly and just breathing, talking abit to mikee and waiting for nothing to happen. I like relexing now. The jazz helped, a Lot. Beautiful beautiful! The sky was amazing! a tinted marron/purple, charcoal sky. It wasnt dark. Just very surprising! Nice suprising.

I think I'm done with surprises. I like knowing. My dear Curiosity has tired me out so. Maybe, without thinking, maybe just knowing and listening. Oh I'd love to!
Wahahaha, I try to more often now. But thinking is a hard process to stop, is wondering thinking? I dont know anybody could stop wondering. If I did, if I listened and seeked to amuse less, I'd be accused me of not being myself. I am not assuming, I have been accused...and it humours me.
Where anybody gets the right to accuse somebody of not being themself is unknown. Im not upset, just humoured. If you change (you always will) and I notice because it is not gradual but immediate, I'll tell you, you've changed and are different. God forbid I accuse you of not being yourself! And if I do, just remind me of it's irony.

Anyhow, My driving instructor should be coming in less than 15mins, I should probably grab a quick meal. I do hope I do get my P's! Think of me, Pray for me!

Love you sincerely! (Believe me!)

just quickly...

Must be: presentable, humorous, charming
She is too large, He is ordinary, She wears too much make up, He is a slob.

A prideful sense, began such notions of "it would not do!" or "no wonder friendless they are!", without much of anybody knowing such of her!
And what was true in the end...she was not comfortable. How could she be? Completely surrounded in possible embarrasment; potential disaster was company away. She wanted not to be made a fool, yet that she was. A fool

...fearing dissaproval. She lived off approval, and made a good living from it, but ached at the slightest hint of anything otherwise. Forgetting that the one perfect and flawless person was not approved of one hundred percent of the time by fifty percent of the people! Yet she counted her successes there. Taking initiative to be approved of. To be loved by the people. It was of great value to her.

She'd always imagined herself under the scrutiny of which she placed others, and worked hard to remove herself from such situations. And shamefully it did suprise her to find there were a select few who were of exceptional presentation who did associate with those otherwise!

She fell short.

Judgement so heavily veiled her she forgot to love.

He reminded her,
"...but I Love People!"

So again, let me try again.

Love flies higher,
walks through fire

He knew it all along.

being blunt

Controversy's a mess.
Rambling is of the essence as of now.

Just gonna try sound smart and try for the 4th time to talk myself out of frustration.
So what? What now? If acceptance is power and we all strive to be accepted for our individuality yet know it cannot be understood until underlayed with similarity...then are we really individual? how different can we be?

May i humour circumstance and try to control it? Is it possible? Why is it? Or isnt it?
I was compared to a crustacean resently, told i was moving into a new shell and was very vulnerable in the process. Maybe that is true. but that was just the opinion of a friend.

Opinions are funny things. We either like them or we dont, and if we havnt completely made up our mind about them, dont we usually let our judgment of the person who voiced them finish off directing our opinion of the opinion. I am making sense, but maybe you might not follow tho. Not alot of people follow me, i dont blame them really.

I dont feel like working today. but i will, out of obligation. I could quit, but i rely on my makings. By quiting i wouldnt have a consistent make and would then depend on others or more likely than the earlier perhaps trust my discipline in relation to spending. I dont like depending on others. I dont think anyone does. Is it the fear of dissapointing? Either oneself or the other? Or is it just irresponsible? Is it weak and immature? Golly i hate that. I hate the generalisations, and i generalise. Christ. Help me, huh? Oh God im so confused, no, im not confused. but i am misguided and in need.

I kinda hope nobody reads this, but i secretly hope im being heard. If you are reading this, i dont want you to judge me...me or my spirituality or who i've become or am becoming. im quite the same as i used to be, im just a professional fronter. I dont need to justify myself to you, im doing so for myself. i Dont understand why i do half the things i do, well i do, but i wish i didnt.

Emo, nope, and yes. im not cutting myself as the world's new opinion is, but i am emotional... but hey, so are you!

i am waiting for a stranger to respond. So please, talk to me...

Today's bright and sunny. ive stayed indoors, beauty is fleeting (or so they say).
Here's to as many controversies as there are people, since each of us are one.

Be seeing you soon.
Please dont dissapoint me, i hope i havnt dissapointed you.

-nikki

she trusted me.
he listened.
i learned.

i want a car. i wanna learn manual too. will some1 teach me manual??? PLEASE??

so i will save up enough money for a car next year. i hope. im still unsure about what kinda car i want. i fell in love with vintage all over again. i got a lift home in "john's" beautiful beautiful car (i dunno what car it is! i shoulda asked...i was too in awe). the interior was incredible. so now mb i wont get a jeep. mb i'll get a sweet 70's or 80's car. mb a mustang? mb a cadillac? and i'll keep dreaming!!... wahahaha

hello! i love ya!
save me Elvis!