Provoke me further, go ahead. I might decide to move out of my thoughts and into action.
What am I doing? Why? Why not?
http://myprivateparty.deviantart.com/art/Walk-on-by-38808947
I thought it was very provoking...but is it enough to make me do something about it? Bought another Big issue, it hurt my pocket but i think it helped someone more...Turn's out I have little under one hundred dollars to get me through the month, until malaysia, until I get a job.
So for now it'll do. Can't believe I'm feeling this...well I think I'm glad I am.
Thursday, October 25, 2007
Wednesday, October 24, 2007
Feeling a little unfaithful..which means the same as feeling unfaithful. A lot or a little, unfaithful is unfaithful.
What more could I ask for? Abundance I have, and I was surrounded by you. this reasonably thick air that i felt swirling around me, i knew was you. Yet I could not commit myself to it, to you. I felt like more; more in the wrong sense. AsIf my mind has grown bored and too curious outside of the abundance you provide. My heart, it seeks (in intervals remembered) your face. Your heart. But I've grown restless. Unsatisfied is a more frequent visitor. Are you stirring me? It is very uncomfortable.
Yes, I know the truth, I know the single truth and I know I need it, need you. The day is another beauty! I'm to be in pleasurable company soon. I need you now, more than ever. Yesterday's portion was not enough for today, and yesterday's portion will run short if given same today. I need more! My own steam is lacking, more evident now than I remember.
I'm not depressed, do not mistake me for it. I actually have no reason at all to be feeling like this, other than I might be sheding an old skin (an old self), as sunny as the day might be and as abundant as my food supply is, it is a little awkward. All is going well for me, rest assured, life seems leisurable (probably too much so) and friend's are great, family are great! I cannot blame any circumstance for feeling a little icky, for they give me more and more reason to feel otherwise. I will call it shedding skin, cos its the nearest explanation for this, now. Wait up for the fresh new me oke? ;)
love you plenty!
What more could I ask for? Abundance I have, and I was surrounded by you. this reasonably thick air that i felt swirling around me, i knew was you. Yet I could not commit myself to it, to you. I felt like more; more in the wrong sense. AsIf my mind has grown bored and too curious outside of the abundance you provide. My heart, it seeks (in intervals remembered) your face. Your heart. But I've grown restless. Unsatisfied is a more frequent visitor. Are you stirring me? It is very uncomfortable.
Yes, I know the truth, I know the single truth and I know I need it, need you. The day is another beauty! I'm to be in pleasurable company soon. I need you now, more than ever. Yesterday's portion was not enough for today, and yesterday's portion will run short if given same today. I need more! My own steam is lacking, more evident now than I remember.
I'm not depressed, do not mistake me for it. I actually have no reason at all to be feeling like this, other than I might be sheding an old skin (an old self), as sunny as the day might be and as abundant as my food supply is, it is a little awkward. All is going well for me, rest assured, life seems leisurable (probably too much so) and friend's are great, family are great! I cannot blame any circumstance for feeling a little icky, for they give me more and more reason to feel otherwise. I will call it shedding skin, cos its the nearest explanation for this, now. Wait up for the fresh new me oke? ;)
love you plenty!
Friday, October 19, 2007
in dire need of a savior.
I woke up a little confused, where was i? How? Trace back my steps through memories of yesterday and I find myself here. On the couch! So what happened? I was eating dinner (pizza) on the couch very comfortably because ally was talking to the computer and the mum-dad tag team went for dinnering fellowship. I switched on the tele for a little(10 seconds or so), got fed up with waiting and without appetite for it's bull. I didn't see the need to switch on the lights either. It's getting gradually darker, very soothing, very natural. 6:30pm. I place my plate back on the table, wipe those oily few fingers with a tissue and get comfy sitting up against the couch. 6:45pm close my eyes and relax a little, thats the last time I remember checking the time.
I stir, a little cold and pull the blanket at the foot of the couch over me, fall back into unconsciousness. Then I wake up for no apparent reason. 1:20am. I woke up a little confused, where was I? How? Trace back my steps through memories and I find myself here. On the couch!
poo you!
This semi conscious life has got me in smiles! Seemingly a little pointless; hopeless. Like a child's efforts to attain something of an adult likelihood...without the adult assistence. Is life so restricted? Mundain? Will you beg to differ?
cant write anything here anymore!
I promise you more than the joy of kinder surprises in this life and multiplied in the next! (just because He did first! wahaha) its 3...ive been awake for 1.5hours.
i tried running 2day! felt good! feel hopeless
My eyes are getting blurry, Im hoping its time to hit the bed again! My body clock's out of whack! No, the novelty of watching sunrise will never wear off, I will if you don't go, i'll find others! Lisa, feeed yourself! Please!
I woke up a little confused, where was i? How? Trace back my steps through memories of yesterday and I find myself here. On the couch! So what happened? I was eating dinner (pizza) on the couch very comfortably because ally was talking to the computer and the mum-dad tag team went for dinnering fellowship. I switched on the tele for a little(10 seconds or so), got fed up with waiting and without appetite for it's bull. I didn't see the need to switch on the lights either. It's getting gradually darker, very soothing, very natural. 6:30pm. I place my plate back on the table, wipe those oily few fingers with a tissue and get comfy sitting up against the couch. 6:45pm close my eyes and relax a little, thats the last time I remember checking the time.
I stir, a little cold and pull the blanket at the foot of the couch over me, fall back into unconsciousness. Then I wake up for no apparent reason. 1:20am. I woke up a little confused, where was I? How? Trace back my steps through memories and I find myself here. On the couch!
poo you!
This semi conscious life has got me in smiles! Seemingly a little pointless; hopeless. Like a child's efforts to attain something of an adult likelihood...without the adult assistence. Is life so restricted? Mundain? Will you beg to differ?
cant write anything here anymore!
I promise you more than the joy of kinder surprises in this life and multiplied in the next! (just because He did first! wahaha) its 3...ive been awake for 1.5hours.
i tried running 2day! felt good! feel hopeless
My eyes are getting blurry, Im hoping its time to hit the bed again! My body clock's out of whack! No, the novelty of watching sunrise will never wear off, I will if you don't go, i'll find others! Lisa, feeed yourself! Please!
Wednesday, October 17, 2007
The way we see it. That's all. We don't see eye to eye, we never do unless the conscious effort is made. I find myself here again, I'm not sure what I'm getting at. mmm...I want to read, feel like reading. Think i'll go to the library today and find myself some insight!
HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD! What shall I get for you?
maybe i'll remember...
JOOOOnes! LOVE YA! hope it goes well with ya, and i know it will!
God, teach me today...
who are you when you drop your guard? do you ever?
Dear Peter Max, please take me to that better world!! you rock!
Thursday, October 11, 2007
I might nurture a dislike for talking to the computer. Something about it's emotionless reactions and deceiving temptations doesn't help me. If a conversation is to get awkward, let it be awkward; none of this 'brb, sorry was hanging out the washing' rubbish, you wouldn't do it amidst a face to face conversation. It's just such a pathetic escape from consequences of your words, although it becomes recorded can be corrected "oops, wrong convo" yada yada!
I'm building it up, this dislike for online conversations...why? because it gives me more reason to sit dreamily in front of the computer forgetting life, forgetting responsibilities and practising procrastination! Right Now? now is a reflection...
but i spend to much time here, everyday, waiting for a good conversation, waiting for someone interesting. Waiting makes up too much of my life. Here, online i forget my revolt of waiting...while adding to it.
I don't like this world of pretend. I don't like cheap escapes. If I'm to suffer, gimme real pain, make it strong, make me remember life and appreciate it! Petty was never my favourite, nor was smoke-screen or plastic covers. If the couch is made to be sat on, let it be sat on without covers. It the punch is to be dealt, don't lessen the blow because you remember I'm a girl; if the door is to be opened to let the breeze in, let also the sunshine that comes with it!
I hate hypocrisy, more so in myself. Remind me, without the sugar coating! Hurt me if that's what it takes, I'll thank you later...cos that's what love does! Hurt can only last for so long..
I'm building it up, this dislike for online conversations...why? because it gives me more reason to sit dreamily in front of the computer forgetting life, forgetting responsibilities and practising procrastination! Right Now? now is a reflection...
but i spend to much time here, everyday, waiting for a good conversation, waiting for someone interesting. Waiting makes up too much of my life. Here, online i forget my revolt of waiting...while adding to it.
I don't like this world of pretend. I don't like cheap escapes. If I'm to suffer, gimme real pain, make it strong, make me remember life and appreciate it! Petty was never my favourite, nor was smoke-screen or plastic covers. If the couch is made to be sat on, let it be sat on without covers. It the punch is to be dealt, don't lessen the blow because you remember I'm a girl; if the door is to be opened to let the breeze in, let also the sunshine that comes with it!
I hate hypocrisy, more so in myself. Remind me, without the sugar coating! Hurt me if that's what it takes, I'll thank you later...cos that's what love does! Hurt can only last for so long..
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Mary Pickford used to eat roses, thought that they'd make her beautiful and they did.
And i walked through as many alleyways as i could find along my way, braving the scarier appearing, yet it was fun-adventurous (good alone time)! And it pays to be friendly! I walked into a gallery where half of the walls were empty, only occupied with hanging hooks and slightly disorganised furniture. Talked to the owner/manager/everything-guy and yea, he was kool, cant say i remember his name though i try very hard, talked for about half an hour about his life, what he does! amazing life! He travels, like he travels a lot! he's somewhere different just about every month! Apparently midway through taking down the previous display and about to put up works by Judy Drew. Sounded like fun, i think it'd be fantastic to work in a gallery! i offered a hand except he had a couple in line already...should've left my details anyway, hope to pop in again next week. oh poo, i've kinda forgotten where its located, i walked around in a big circle...
Anyhoo, preparing to leave, he reaches among the confusion on his desk
"hey wait, have this."
"oke! thanks! wahaha!"
i see he had a few on his desk. its a book called "Drawing on the Senses; Judy Drew" Its a little commentary on her life and works and then various displays of her pastels, one picture per little page. I like it, it was sweet of him. i like it how strangers are friendly and give just because they can, just because they want to! Bought my 2nd Big Issue today, I like buying them, I should probably read them too!
And I was walking and this lady was walking past me, more like stumbling/limping, and she looked like she was in soooo much pain! and i just walked past her, and then 2meters later BANG . i chase her and ask if she's oke, I didn't feel very helpful though, she was late for work and on the way probably fell and twisted her ankle, she was about 50meters away from work (Armany Exchange), i just walk beside her and talk to her, felt kinda stoopid not helping her, but i didn't know what to do!
And then, then I met up with M and agitated her, she agitated me back by whipping out a ciggy. damn i hate it when she smokes. I'm gonna see her again, and then maybe not for a while. I don't know!
WE WENT SUNRISE CREW! wahahahah! AWESOME! LOVEDDDD IT! heres a peak!
Love you guys! It was awesome sharing the morning with ya's, chilling with ya's from 4:45am til 8:45am! Again AGAIN!!! PLEASEEE! you guys are my relief! ;)
And i walked through as many alleyways as i could find along my way, braving the scarier appearing, yet it was fun-adventurous (good alone time)! And it pays to be friendly! I walked into a gallery where half of the walls were empty, only occupied with hanging hooks and slightly disorganised furniture. Talked to the owner/manager/everything-guy and yea, he was kool, cant say i remember his name though i try very hard, talked for about half an hour about his life, what he does! amazing life! He travels, like he travels a lot! he's somewhere different just about every month! Apparently midway through taking down the previous display and about to put up works by Judy Drew. Sounded like fun, i think it'd be fantastic to work in a gallery! i offered a hand except he had a couple in line already...should've left my details anyway, hope to pop in again next week. oh poo, i've kinda forgotten where its located, i walked around in a big circle...
Anyhoo, preparing to leave, he reaches among the confusion on his desk
"hey wait, have this."
"oke! thanks! wahaha!"
i see he had a few on his desk. its a book called "Drawing on the Senses; Judy Drew" Its a little commentary on her life and works and then various displays of her pastels, one picture per little page. I like it, it was sweet of him. i like it how strangers are friendly and give just because they can, just because they want to! Bought my 2nd Big Issue today, I like buying them, I should probably read them too!
And I was walking and this lady was walking past me, more like stumbling/limping, and she looked like she was in soooo much pain! and i just walked past her, and then 2meters later BANG . i chase her and ask if she's oke, I didn't feel very helpful though, she was late for work and on the way probably fell and twisted her ankle, she was about 50meters away from work (Armany Exchange), i just walk beside her and talk to her, felt kinda stoopid not helping her, but i didn't know what to do!
And then, then I met up with M and agitated her, she agitated me back by whipping out a ciggy. damn i hate it when she smokes. I'm gonna see her again, and then maybe not for a while. I don't know!
WE WENT SUNRISE CREW! wahahahah! AWESOME! LOVEDDDD IT! heres a peak!
Love you guys! It was awesome sharing the morning with ya's, chilling with ya's from 4:45am til 8:45am! Again AGAIN!!! PLEASEEE! you guys are my relief! ;)
Thursday, October 04, 2007
at steph's place now.
gosh, i never knew michael buble to be soooo smooth after a disney classic, like beauty and the beast, fairy tales are the biggest chic-flicks i rkn. i prefer them over the real thing anyday! Feelin good, michael! wahahaha, serious, givin me chills at the moment! michael buble and jaz in general has to be one of the ultimate turn ons :P
Today involved (in no particular order):
-getting lost, feeling cold and unsure about my direction, feeling stoopid, feeling relieved getting picked up from my lost corner, stuffing my face with pancakes and banana smooothie! watching beauty and the beast, sitting and eating lunch and casualy chatting with stef. my oh my, its very chillout, and she's been studying!
I bought a book yesterday! I was quite excited, although I know how unwise it is to be spending on leisure pleasures because the necessities are running short, but but but I couldn't resist. It cost me $14.95 and it was called: Brian Banana Duck Sunshine Yellow.
Now you want one too right? It's an abstract book with abstract illustrations with cute ideas and yes, it will be one of my favs! It's only so short, it's a children's book. Anyhoo. gonna go read a book called "when I was a kid I used to believe...butter comes from butterflies" and you might imagine what the rest of the book might continue with! ;) love ya!
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