Habitual Liar.

What if meaning was worn thin by the excess use of the word it was captured in? What if the words were spoken habitually and somehow, somehow it was only spoken and not meant. What if loving you was now an option and not a commitment? What if I was lying when I told you I did? What if it hurts?

Because I was the only one who said it - who still does. You though, were cunning enough not to contract yourself by your words. But not I, not I. I said them boldly, I said them because each day I said them might have been my last, but I live on, though half the time I wish I didn't.

"Tough times don't last, tough people do."
It's true.

I don't want it to be a lie. I don't want to be the habitual liar. I want to be bigger than this downward spiralling world. I want to be victorious and laugh in the face of adversity. I want not to be slave to my flesh but like those trick birthday candles which don't blow out nearly as easily as any others.

I want to prove to you that good does exist. I want to prove it to myself...because true and solid good seemed only in the beginning chapters of the bible as God described the world before sin.

What I have is good, though what I am is not. This love was given unconditionally to me though my unfaithfulness was foreseen before my existence; therefore hurts dealt my way are incomparable in the slightest.

I love you.
Smile.Breathe.Laugh.Live.Gargle.Swallow.