She obsesses.

I searched you,
as I heard your voice, I dissembled the words you spoke, the tone you spoke with, the dynamics of volume and expression in your voice and the fluidity of your rhythm. Using my understandings I deciphered the meaning, your meaning. Through the cord and in the frequency, I tried to find something, someone... you. So, in a bid to buy time for tracking down the unknowns I searched for, I kept you on the line. Lately, in most of my phone conversations are efforts to prolong conversations, with the other being the one to taper off and suggest leaving. This happened with all six people I called within the last 24 hours.

I feel like an explorer walking along borders of insanity. It appears I instill a fear upon those in my company, that I possess a strange obsession they prefer not to be apart of. But really, I just want to know you, I just want to know real people. Given the opportunity, I would dig deeper than people prefer because I'm ever so convinced that building friendships between utterly real people creates impossible bonds of incredible strength (with the accumulation of love, truer, and strangely real)! I like real. I've just about had it with my hallucinations of who people are, I barely know half of my friends. I will only say I know two halfs of all the people of my world. One: my sister, two: I call her my best friend. We try together, we hit dirt together. I only know half, I imagine the rest. Sometimes my make-belief's of friends veil the real them, because I, well, let my imagination run a little far, a little wild.

That, is one of the problems with me. My obsession with truth and my hunger to be informed scares mostly, everyone. Heck, it scares me! I think people are afraid I'll fall in love with them, that's not the intention, but to be honest, I'm insanely attracted to the truth, and knowing the real in people may just result in that, ugly as the truth may be.

Dearest reader, I've never fallen in love, but I fear I could, all too easily.
(However, with you, I'd never want to) At present, I seek truth and the realities of those who share no similar passions to me; of those who show little interest in my friendship with them. Because although I search for people to know and to fall in love with, I am uncomfortable with people knowing and falling in love with me. Oh, ain't she the perfect hypocrite! You may know too much, I might have to kill you.

Strange, I know.