Believing, in black and white.

I meant what I said when I said "regardless". I just forget sometimes that I said it. Much to my relief, you remember your promises to me more than I, you (not that I should be justified, just assured through my failings).

So when my worth, in the sense I used to measure it by, suddenly falls to pieces, I am left just with you. Anyway, we never measured the same. Your scales drastically surpassed mine, always. When my mess is at my feet and I can't see a clear space to stand in, there is still you. I've forgotten what it was like to have just you.

So what if I loose the attention; if my face becomes disfigured; if my speech becomes stutter; if I loose my wit; if I never make anyone laugh again; if I am undesirable to employ; if I am undesirable for company; if I cannot dance; if I am infertile; if sound, smell, touch, sight and taste all blur into a grey deadpan; if my writing becomes disorganised words making readers cringe; if it never rains; if the sun never smiles; if my sister never talks to me; if my friends are disgusted in me; if I am never trusted again; if I let down the children; if I become responsible for something horrid; if my rights are taken from me; if I am never admired, never thought of as genuinely beautiful; if I am never told the truth; if the words "I love you" never grace me again; if my input is always discarded; if I am to be forever alone; if I am surrounded in only suffering; if I am helpless to everyone needing help; if everything I touch turns to dust and becomes ugly; if I lose everything...so what! So what if I become a negative? You said you'd love me regardless. My life is more than the worse-case scenario. You have more for me to do here, something wonderfully productive. My insecurities pale before you.

You said you'd never leave me nor forsake me. I believe you. I believe your word. I believe your love. I believe you.

Strength like no other. Shield me, Love, I am a little pathetic. Thank you for holding me together.

I can breathe again. Your truth is the breath of cool, fresh air rescuing me from the intoxicating lies I let suffocate me.