...gourmet my life away

dear friend,

i CANNOT resist.
It seems my standing with sugar things cannot be shaken. If anything, it leaves me shaken.

I cannot live each day without a thought on chocolate this, fresh cream that, muffin or cupcake, glaze or milkshake! I accept defeat very willingly. I try, not very hard, but you know not the hardship we've braved together. You know not the sickness we've weathered! The recoveries I've made, fueled by cravings and desire to satisfy my sugar-thing hole! Nothing but patience to get me til the next sugar fix and the knowledge that the longer I am required to wait, the more rewarding it will be later.

I walk my days with thoughts of chocolate eclaires and apple turnovers; donuts and and muffins!

I cannot go without. Though my pockets become light, thought money evades me and grocery shopping obligates me, there is always room in the cart for sugar. My beloved. Dear teeth, I bought you listerine, I bought you a new toothbrush companion, and you are pleased. Please let me be also.

With little complaints,
your friend,
-the newly self confessed sugar-thing addict.
;)

Dear friend,

Little did I know how I was affected by my dealings with people and that I mightn't be aware of my reactions to them.
So I was in conversation with somebody I had met through convenience and was familiar with via weekly acquantances. Upon his leaving our conversation, a close girl friend burst into laughter; and with pointed finger accused me without mercy "BAHA! YOUR BLUSHING!". To which I blatantly denied immediately. Of course.

I try to recall my thoughts. Nope, no, nothing there.
"Am I really?"
"YES!" *she laughs, she laughs.
By this time. Yes I am blushing, and I feel it.

Geez! What this means? My body's been tricking me. Because I'm meant to feel the blood rush to my head when I blush. And I'm only meant to blush on appropriate occasions! This is too much for me!

Now? Now I wonder how often I've unconsciously blushed and not known because I didn't feel it. And how many "wrong" occasions I've blushed because somewhere my brain's wires got a little confused!

So it appears I'm not all as cool and cucumbered as I thought I was 2hours ago. But to my horror! I fear I blush all too easily!
In my company, it would be appreciated if you:
- do not tease me about the people I feel not for
- do not tease me about the person I do feel for (this one is not applicable at this time, but for later preference, if ever it did)
- do not bring up my insecurities, unless it be to help me overcome them
- do not flirt with me
- do not accuse me of blushing (it will either bring it to surface or make it worse- plus I doubt I'll need you to state the obvious, if that be the case)

I think that might help me try to be cool and lessen my resemblence to that of an 11 year old.
Much appreciated.
Yours truely,
...the unimpressed blushing 19 year old.

FREEEEE!
geez, its cold out here.

eh heh!
one broken window,
a bandaged and bruised hand,
a heart ready to explode
&
two counts of excitement

"show me where from here"

he said "your house of sand and sticks will fall tonight, leave it fallen, and be glad you were not collapsed also"

awkward
wedged
stuck
helpless
restless
drained
frustrated

"help,
God"

shhh,
"...no,
i..."

sleep

carried

awake

free
clean
held
white
embrace
loved
new

i love how i can read your words and find escape
i love how when i frustrate myself i can be soothed and calmed even after lovingly underlined reprimands
i love how i feel stronger with every promise i remember
i love that you grab me right before i hit rock bottom and fall into a kazillion pieces
i love that your not afraid to inflict pain on me if it means saving my life or the like
i love that you dont need to explain yourself
i love how warm i feel in your embrace

i love that i can trust you
really truly

i love that you love me

really
truly

thank you.

"We're fine!"

"So I've heard! Well done on your business project!"
"Thank you! Who did you hear about it from?"
"Everybody! You sure are on everybody's lips at the moment!"
"...I hope that's a good thing!" *laughter*

She had build herself a name. Finally. She was recognised.
No more scrambling around and being underestimated, undermined.
She had done well. It was such a new concept to her. Refreshing.

So this is the new life? This is what success tastes like?

When she had finally revoked her control freak vice-like grips on her family, friends and business, it all seemed to be taking a turn for the better. Her shoulders knotted up a great deal less and she could afford smiles at passing glances to the strange people on her street.

Life could be a dream, shaboom!

-And such was the superficial incident on passing she had with most of the people she didn't know (and didn't care to) in her neighbourhood. They were nearly all the same, as shallow and unsatisfying as the paddling end of the baby's pool. Plus she had learnt and now knew better than to squander her moments of victory on the unempathetic leeches of strange people on her street.

The paranoia ate his friends.
The dismal signs of continuing friendship were but an ember's glow.
Yet he tried, shakily at first but then slowly, the ember grew.
Careful to be in control of it, because the ember needed a wick to grow on. Because a wick is all that the relationship could be at its best, now. A single flame. Not like before, the intensely passionate and uncontrollable fire that it was. All systems were called to put it out, and it nearly died, completely. But it couldve been worse. It couldve taken out the two who created it.
Nobody in close proximity of the fire and it's damage were fine. Everybody was in shock, the few main bodies involved were traumatised, to say the least.

Never leave a fire, even a flame, unattended. Caution can be likened to paranoia, but there is a difference. One is acted upon out of care (best interest) for the majority and the other out of selfishness.

"Lets just call it an accident and hide our wounds.
Well, because it started out that way and then everybody insisted on making it intentional.
Because accidents are occasions when we loose control of the situation and nobody wanted to admit to that...
but now claiming the situation was out of our hands seems a little less guilty."

-concerning the bloody heartbreak on the 11th floor. Tammy.

cool seas
walm breeze
life seems
Easy.

stir the waters
rock the boat
now we'll see
who stays afloat.

To him who:

• can take away my tummy aches
• will wash my shoes because i dance in mud and run in rain
• will tie my shoelaces when they're undone
• will fold the clothes& wash the dishes
• will remind me to be selfless
• will tell me to stop complaining
• can fix my phone

...i am yours.

ahhh!! treacherous food! alas! i fear i've been poisoned!
Take out the parchment and hold ready my quill! I have many last words.

oh geez, it comes in pangs and i don't know what do to. I suppose I've only got a mild case because I haven't yet died or collapsed or even vomited, just been very uncomfortable and had unpleasant toilet trips.

Here are some of google's bright ideas:

Health First (www.healthfirst.net.au/content/view/495/42/) :
"TREATMENT FOR FOOD POISONING INCLUDES: doing nothing"
gee! i'm treated then hey? oke oke, so that isn't all they said...

TREATMENT FOR FOOD POISONING INCLUDES:

• Doing nothing. Most common types of food poisoning subside within 24 hours without treatment. (it's been 48 hours now)
  
• Replacing fluids. Extra fluids may be needed because of the vomiting and diarrhoea. Take frequent small sips of water or a re-hydration drink such as Gastrolyte.
• Antibiotics may occasionally be prescribed by your doctor for some food poisoning

- -- ---- ------- ---- -- -

First Aid and Emergencies (http://firstaid.webmd.com/food_poisoning_treatment_firstaid.htm):
Short episodes of vomiting and small amounts of diarrhea lasting less than 24 hours can usually be cared for at home.

• Do not eat solid food while nauseous or vomiting but drink plenty of fluids.
  • Small, frequent sips of clear liquids (those you can see through) are the best way to stay hydrated.
  • Avoid alcoholic, caffeinated, or sugary drinks, if possible. Over-the-counter rehydration products made for children such as Pedialyte and Rehydralyte are expensive but good to use if available.
  • Sports drinks such as Gatorade and Powerade are fine for adults if they are diluted with water because at full strength they contain too much sugar, which can worsen diarrhea.
• After successfully tolerating fluids, eating should begin slowly, when nausea and vomiting have stopped. Plain foods that are easy on the stomach should be started in small amounts. Consider eating rice, wheat, breads, potatoes, cereals (low-sugar cereals), lean meats, and chicken (not fried) to start. Milk can be given safely, although some people may experience additional stomach upset due to lactose intolerance.
• Most food poisonings do not require the use of over-the-counter medicines to stop diarrhea, but they are generally safe if used as directed. It is not recommended that these medications be given to children. If there is a question or concern, you should always check with your doctor.

Okilies dokilies....i think I will live. The only "solids" i had this morning were two mint slices, (and weren't they a comfort!) and I had oats and honey: nice, hot and slushy.

now you know!

They were all shouting over me, like a current of powerful influence. Wisely (I believe) I avoided any occasion to struggle with them, so I calmly swam beneath or over the obvious pulls. Surfacing for the all-important oxygen, failing not to fill my lungs with air before lowering myself to the lull of the beautiful and potentially deadly ocean of opportunity. It calls me and excites me, yet I am still learning of what is friendly and what is fatal. What is and isn't within my arm of influence. But I cannot live like them. I need to resurface on a regular basis, for the neccessity that is life! The hope that gives me strength and the ability to pump my blood through it's courses and keep my heart beating...keep my heart beating...keep my heart beating. To keep my mind free and clear in thought. The truth is that I need to remember to keep my strength in this unexpected world to be able to save those living in it; and that to forget to resurface for the energy and life that is the living breath and word of God in me, is to become like them in need of being saved.