Awkward but Willing. Oh My Nine.

Apparently this year will be the hardest I've ever tasted.

In a sit down with my one of church leaders today, we had quite an intimate discussion of the things close to our hearts regarding the Children's Ministry. Of which after that hour or so, I suddenly realised that to achieve any of what we mentioned, there would be inevitable opportunities for blood, sweat and tears (somewhere between late nights and time management).

Then, during the worship session that night, I realised how many more frustrations I would have to overcome, how many more little knots I'd have to undo (mostly in myself) and how much more convincing myself to forgive would be required to even keep up with my hopes for progression.

I questioned the other little ministry I was in (as a church news reader) and began to write it off as an unnecessary burden when asked "Wouldn't it be a worthy test to put on a smile and be a face of hope when all else seems dreary? A good practice to practise. That, dear, would be worship."

After still, walking outside the church with one of my dearest friends and a new command that meant from this day he would be my leader, meant that within a tear-filled 5 minutes and a secure embrace I had given him my hundred percent and trust and support (and unsaid accountability).

Simply the memory of today is exhausting in itself. My load is impossible for me. Thus the crushing realisation that if I were to, even for a moment, try to lift this on my own, I would fail- whether just failed or miserably, fail none the less. So I anticipate this year to bring what it may. I know my nature is to occasionally become complacent, arrogant, indifferent, lazy, self-pitying or loathing or all at once sometimes; hence my little unease at knowing I will fall and my fear mostly that I may cause others to also.
Here, God, you step in. The covenant resigned today.

You, dear Lord, be my God and I faithfully will be yours...entirely.

I have no doubt that this blog will publish some unsightly writings in which I curse this year and hate it bitterly, I apologise in advance. But it will undoubtedly become the greatest progress in my life and a large advancement for God's kingdom.

On top of this, I hope to learn to love with that love they describe as unconditional. Oh, did I mention, I hope to save $7000 for a Japan trip and pass all my university subject with "honours" (Distinctions will be in order, I've never expected them before, so this shall be interesting). By the end of this I'll let you know if the sky has any limits! Wahahaha!