Life ain't gonna get any better. You are.

Saturday, November 15, 2008

The Jealous Kind

I suppose I've begun to wonder if jealousy is worth my breath.
It is the outcome of our former triangle, now re-established as their line and my dot.

And suddenly I'm here where I started, before our triangle was drawn.

Maybe not exactly the same place... I must credit them carrying me a reasonable distance, but the fruits of this new establishment make me wonder what I could achieve if I stopped trying to extend the dot that I am in reminisce attempts of re-achieving our triangle (for my sake alone, might I add!).
"It might be easier not to care" Oh how I despise that thought utterly! It goes against everything that love is, that love fights for; yet the thought, I entertained. How dare I! After all the love I have received, to turn around and say "I don't have to care because it hurts me?". Ungratefulness is a common rail of mine, preparing tracks for my trains of complaint.

Dear, I have not progressed well this week. I suppose if I flailed my arms and begun foundering like the attention seeker I know within me, I would cause enough commotion to feed this hunger to be cared for...not that I am not already! See, this greed also yearns. Alas, I would not save any time in this matter, not by addressing the famished savage that is my fleshly desires. I need to starve it until weakness overcomes it, surrendering to me: relief and selflessness and the freedom I find in you, in love.

It's a clever idea, and I believe it works, the lyrics of plus one's Be Love words it perfectly. The chorus? The solution I half despise as it goes again my human nature yet makes perfect sense:
Well if you need love
Take the time and be love
Breathe it out, create love
See how things can turn.
If you need love
Give yourself and be love
Breathe it out create love
See how things can turn.

It seems The Jealous Kind is undergoing reconstruction. Through gritted teeth and short breaths she hopes somehow this revaluing might not leave her lowered.
I know you love me, I know you love me, I know you love me...
I don't know why
I don't know how
Don't let go.

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