I guess you could say I've been thinking...about the nature of, well, woman.
Surprised? I was. wahaha!
So there I was, on the upper deck of the double-decker, with the whole front row to myself, being awed by the sights and brilliant wonders of my wonderful God, and his creations...yea, Im quite sure it helped evaporate the grumpiness in which the morning had been initiated. And somewhere, somehow, my mind drifted (as it does) to life in the long run. Hmm, I remembered Jonah (love him!) telling me of his brother's recent proposal...and those recent jevo's had their relevances to marriage. Marriage...did i spell it right? Was it for me? Did i want it? Yes. Could i do without it? Yes. Could I be equally happy on both ends of the spectrum...Yes...methinks...

I fight it...yes i fight it. Why? I don't like generic. As if the word itself is distasteful, the thought of being 'like everybody else' makes me shiver...yet I am. I am like everybody else, apart from human physicalities, there are desires and longings that I do believe God instilled in all of us to think alike. What is my purpose? Why was I created? Am I a purposeful being? How do I reach fulfilment? If there something for me later...in life, maybe in another life? These, I am quite satisfied with, althought answers mature and make more or less sense, I am quite satisfied with these....and then there was Love...
Love itself is quite puzzling for me, not the unconditional love, which although I don't understand fully, I grasp better than that of the love between a man and woman. I have friends who I could confidently say, love me regardless. And to them, I do believe I will always love them, always, because...just because.

But the love between a man and woman...that is a puzzle and a dream.
Do I want someone? I think I do. But I don't want to. Why? Because I like the thought of being independant, it makes me feel strong and maybe a little prouder (not that i need any of these). I don't like to be dependant. I do not want to rest myself on others, because they fall short...i myself fall short, i need not others to help me with this. But then I'm caught unawares by short daydreams that maybe someone will understand me. Maybe there might be someone I could spend the rest of my life with, who would be amazed by me and someone to amaze me. I try convince myself out of it by a somewhat feminist approach...wahaha, funny hey?

And i think about it, and I do believe every female, every woman wants that. Whether they've grown up with the ideal or to have had it mature in them as life progresses. But it's not always evident. I don't think so at all. This dream of a perfect love and then family...it is a dream and a desire. Yet men, in their very capability to be the key to this dream, are destroyers of it too. Damaged dreams, experiences of damage, or hurt by man, whether on the same level or higher (eg: first love to father, teacher to president...the range is extensive and infinite), shape our opinions of man which influence our desire to have that shape of man in our lives, thus it varies.

Men consist of jerks and cheaters and abuses of all kinds, are they to blame? yes. What of their up-bringing...will it never end? and that or the ones that bring up! But also, woman, in their fantasies, high expectations or acceptance of low ones, in their up-bringing and how they are to perceive man and coorperate with him, will it be so delusive? So many extremes, so many hearts broken and the human race is hopeless! Wife who do everything for their husbands, whose respect for themselves is nothing, whose value for themselves is nothing...and then Independant wifes who dictate the lives their husbands live. Or then singles are another story!

Forget all that rediculous theory...that is my mind making senser of the matter, it is completely bias and opinionative. There are no facts here...

Me? If i do not have children...it might be a loss.
My passion for children has my desire for my own intensified that quite much more.
But thats oke...It's something I've tamed. That, and my desire to get married, is considerably less, though on hearing a lovely song I would automaticly add to my mind's list of "suitable wedding songs". wahahaha! of these, is newly descovered Josh Groban (whom I love!) "you are loved (don't give up)". That and "in her eyes" and "so she dances" he's got quite a way with words. He's got quite a voice...

Children are awesome....let me ramble, a woman's body was perfectly designed to accomodate at least another one whole human being! Isn't that amazing? I can accomodate another human being and nurture it within me and also after. So tell me what isn't to get excited about! Pain? Pain in nothing, pain is for a while, pain doesnt last...but another life. Another breath! Yes, seeing birthpains do not make me anymore than nervous. But a funny nervous. Like..."God, humans can't even come into the world without causing pain!" wahahaha. Destructable beings we are! Definately!

Did you read all of that? I'm in the airport now, heading back to KL, Malaysia from HK here...It's been good shopping. i spent a little over 250AUS, in a week, equivalent to about 1700RMB (hk) which is flipping great! I've done well...

here, im just getting my brain juices going because of the lack of opportunity with shopping. You only needa know how to bargain and convert here. The language barrier is nothing severe, yes, parents do come in handy!

I'm done...hope I didn't bore you....wonder if I made sense?

I'm going to be boring because Im at the airport with no mouse so it would be waaay to muc htrouble to make this colourful and random, (i need to deposit 100RMB and buy a drink to get a mouse, wahaha, fat chance ppl!).

Have fun in OZ!