I watch the children and observe their egocentric behavior, it is all they know. They know not of self consciousness, all they know is their needs, their comforts and themselves. And as selfish as this is in their ignorance of others, what i still watch and admire or maybe not admire but envy is their desire when uncomfortable to be comforted and the acceptance everyone else has of their whines and complaints, just because they are small, just because they are young: they are brought up and held, and whispered to and rubbed or patted while being rocked and sung to; soothed.
As unacceptable as that is at my age, socially and morally, i still want it. Am i not satisfied where i'm at? well i am very much so, but i enjoy comfort, and my comfort is in adoration and attention. And and...the world whispers this, and sometimes convinces me of such, but it is...temporal. "But that is all i need now", temporal. But i know when I am in the eternal that even the temporal is outshone.
And that there is better for me. And that there is better for them. It's up and down too much, the down isnt that down anymore, the down is now mediocre, the up is crazy exciting. Yet in mediocre there isnt even desperation. I'll talk myself out of it. Why isit i forget so often what happened so recently? Am i so blessed by consistent supernatural occurances that it is 'normal' and i take it for granted. no, i dont think im taking it for granted, i just think now it really proves that not focusing day in day out, wait, no , hour by hour is not strong enough to keep me savouring something so sweet, as eternal as it may be. Because, just because I...well maybe it's just me.
Thanx. wahaha, J-, no idea how much you guys mean to me, seeing you all is soo encouraging, where would i be without you? C, Where would i be if you had not carried me!