detatched, oh she loves!

my vision's blurred, sleep awaits me, she can wait longer. this train of thought is 5minutes long, wont be a sec! go away veil of matte finish, i want to see the factory bird!! thanx bigFish! i really appreciate it. i never saw it coming, and im sorry, i'll try be there next time. timtams are for those who roll in mud and know riches by taste. imagine...the land flowing with milk and timtams! the promise land! ahhhh, the thought evokes sensation and invites drool! and tho hardships i still face and a little bird just sang a sad song, there is hope. and i'll die happy in the hope of You. sweet sweet sounds tickle my ears, and the thunder cannot drown it. so smile laugh play, fisherprice. y did u cry for argentina? y did u repremand ur daughter, oh king tridon? shes a bright young woman, sick of swimming n ready to stand! so the prince hasnt saved queen kong yet. and the measurements arent right. i wonder if he noticed...the stars really shine, and the sand falls into my eyes. swing low, sweet chariot. meet me by the tower in the middle of town; and we'll fly from here to horizon end, and walk right on back again!

what shall we do with the drunken sailor?

what can i say?? carribean markets was quite an experience. totally mixed up! i think i got trapped in the blurr. i didnt quite feel with it. i played the part of the drunken sailor today...
and yada yada, im not sure why im here...now. not sure what im meant to say.

wahahahaha. life has been quite a distance from simple lately.
i cant say haywire anymore, thats an understatement! what can i say? ive been wrestling with myself lately, (at least i can say iv been winning...so lame, i kno!) and alla sudden, like a mass pimple break out, suddenly its not all smooth, and im not as perfect, and ive got issues...
bring it on? heck, well whats to do? moping over it never helped anyone...
if anything, learning how to get over one's self and see further than ya own self-oriented pain mite be one of the greatest lessons of life huh? and to top it off, i know im not alone. and i know that i dont have to fight my own demons.

My Grace is sufficient for you, My strength is made perfect in weakness - My Lord

whats the most difficult is prying my fingers open, forcing myself to LET GO of control. i think im a control freak, very subtly...a control frreak. and i like to be on top of things *duh! who doesnt riite? im just blurting...rambling, call it what you like, my main audience is myself. u kno the whole self-reflection thing....well yea, im doing that.

hey shpeshOoL starz! if ur out there...i miss yaz. but u know rite now, as much as it kills me, mb our paths just aint crossing, theres a time for evrything riite? mb now just isnt time. i miss others i used to talk to more aswell. heyya mikee! have barely kept in touch with ya too...my bad. havnt seen steve in ages, miss him too. wow. thinkin about it, i cant quite say ive been much in touch with any churcho folks. scareyy!!

whispers of silver...
who hears them? who listens for them?
whispers of silver.

soz for my lack of randomness and amusement lately, nic's currently unavailable. shez been pre-occupied trying to ward off an old foe, a familiar rival. so ignore the huffs of frustration, and muffled winces of pain, whats a battle without warscars? its like cleaning a self inflicted deep wound and then adding stinging ointment...

everything's gonna be alright, rockabye! rockabye!

be strong oke? hold on, i wanna help you, but i cant be of much help atm. but i know someone who can, and so do you. so ask Him. dont worry about me! im starting to feel better already :]

...He hears your whispers of silver

shimmer. please.

sharing with us what he knows
shining eyes are big and blue
and all around him water flows
this world to him is new
this world to him is new
to touch a face
to kiss a smile
new eyes see no race
the essence of a child
the essence...

he's born to shimmer he's born to shine
he's born to radiate
he's born to live he's born to love
but we'll teach him not to hate

true love it is a rock
smoothed over by a stream
no ticking of a clock
truly measures what that means
truly measures what that means
and this thing they call our time
heard a brilliant woman say
she said: you know it's crazy
how I want to capture mine
I think I love this woman's way
I think I love this woman's...

way she shimmers, the way she shines
the way she radiates
the way she lives, the way she loves
the way she never hates

sometimes I think of all this that can surround me
I know it all as being mine
but she kisses me and and wraps herself around me
she gives me love, she gives me time
yeahh.... and I fine

but time I cannot change
so here's to looking back
you know I drink a whole bottle
of my pride
and I toast to change
to keep these demons off my back
to keep these demons off my back

cause I want to shimmer, i want to shine
I want to radiate
I want to live, I want to love
I want to try to learn not to hate
try not to hate

we're born to shimmer
we're born to shine
we're born to live, we're born to love
we're born to never hate

shawn mullen....legend! wahahaha! i love 'im! and his voice is sooooooo....mmmm?
gnitez. God bless!

it hurts, seeing you get further. please, reach out to Him. please...

conJested

*whispers: ready guys?
STACKS ON!! *thud.thud....ouuch....

oOOhhhh, FORMAL WAS A BLAST! feet were tired tho, and i dint break my ankle in high heels! evry1 was lookn extremely HOTT, and it was hot on the dancefloor!!

well, what can i say? things are totally hay-wire (who came up with that word? genius!) evrything's here and there and evrywhere and frantic and hectic and and and HIT THE DECKS MEN, LAND AHOY!! doesn mean i love it any less ey?

watched pirates (of the carribean)! that was brilliant! and im soooooooooooo annoyed at the ending that im not going to evn start or i'll spoil it for you all! its brilliant........but annoying!

methink the skool is warped and stoopid. and im getting closer pplz at skool. and its greaaatt! tho i havnt bn making much ground with church pplz. yea, i miss ya! my voice goes funny when i dont talk enough, and riight now my voice is funny...

ive got too much to say and this wont do. so i'll leave it here, id love to go deeper but it dun fit and i dont want to...not on the net. or not now. or im lazy. call me craazy. im gonna go msg sum1 now!

heres a quote guys, and im very proud of myself for makin it up, u'd think it was a famous philosofer, tho if my name was more complicated, it would be fitting:
the exact spot one falls is the exact spot they rise.

and ya can make variations too! hmmmm, lets try this:

the action of falling presents oppotunities to rise

yada yada, try it...!

i need music. oh yea. i collected the cd i won from light fm. its got 25 OLD OLD OLD skool worship songs. im gonna go listen to it now. like going back to 1999, or 1997 mb even 1996. its nutts!! i want to listen to a live jaz band, or blues, or good old piano. sum1 feel free to just jump thru the window and tickle the ivory, i am hopeless at it, scared too. me and the piano have a horrendous past, we have a history i do not wish to awaken, yet i still love its individual sound, the simplicity. and tho i fear getting too close, i yearn to be able to master it. to tame my clumsy careless fingers and find the beauty in the heart of a mere composition...
bury the thought six feet under. its not for me, tho i could surround myself in its melody and forget all that needs forgetting. is love lost better than to have never loved at all? no. but then i havnt even lost my love for the piano, just gave up with impatience, and now it hurts. but i will still love it, even as it haunts me occasionally, and it teases me. i am jealous of you if you can play, but not regretful. and i dont make sense.

oke. hw, msging, sleep. gnitez. God bless!

"today ive finally found,

a melody that fits,

a melody that fits.

today i've finally found,

a song that i can sing

a song that i can sing"

raCh.
you are beautiful.

[s]melLy.
you are radiant.

gracEi.
im glad we're back.

aiLeeny-baked-beany.
shine! rejoice! sing!

aLi.
close to my heart.

mishle.
thank you.

jazz.
i miss ya.

mum.
our tears forged together are my jewels.

suzii.
hold on! i love ur strength

theres more. theres an infinite list. and im exhausted after listing a few.
im trying to not be so closed. wahahahaha, ud never know it...who would?? only one.

Better is open rebuke

than hidden love.

Proverbs 27:5

have i told you lately that i love you?

yea, im still holding back. im still scared of showing you all, all of me. wahahaha! mb not yet.

well the cold was there again 2day! brrrrrrrrrrr, i was victim to another wonder of creation. just trying think how it could be created, inspired, imagined. did i suffer? maybe. but i did learn to greater appreciate warmth, regardless man-made or God-sent i did receive it and cherished every ouch of it!! mmmm....it was asif the tention between an awkward conversation had been broken by the pure laughter of a long lost friend! thats warmth!

my OH MY!

im actually meant to be doing my holiday homework thats due 2moro....now. OOohhh yea, first day of skool was greeeeaaaaatttt!!!! kinda. i think jon broke our triple-pinky-promise....his a dead man 2moro!! im disapointed, tho not at all surprised. and he insisted on making the originally simply pinky-promise into a triple-pinky-promise! so...i shall pour out my wrath upon him in methods 2moro!!

movinnnnnnn on. i havnt got in touch with alotta pplz. my baddd. im so confused at where to start, what to do. and i think my time here is up! i probly wont be here soon. i hope not. too much to do! so much to see. need time to listen. listen. again. i need you!

oke. i'll quickly paint a painting, finger painting, clumsy strokes that unevenly distribute colours and meanings and rough feelings...

im on a mountain, and im nearing the top. terrain is beautiful, the view is incomplete, my eyes are strained. i need to go higher, oxygen seems lesser, i feel tired, excited, fresh, cold. im quivering and sweating. i long for the warmth. the sun is there, the clouds move to block it. i know only one direction. up. fingers are adjusting to the cold but hands but still blister and hurt. im not alone. i slip constantly. laughter is the best medicine. shhhh. rest for a bit, He leads me, i'll fellowship with you. smile. the top of the mountain is not far away. dont worry about me, im happy. "who never knew the price of happiness will not be happy" yevgeny yevtushenko (funny name!!). out of breath! but i wont stop prayn for you. please! ur face looks funny! wahahaha!! no really, stop giving me that look, ur crazy and ur face is funny!!