four and a half years laid to rest

Tonight, I close this.

I think I've learnt much over these 4 and a half years of restlessness, curiousity, soul-searching and very critiquing reflection. If you would so much as peruse through the first year or two of this blog, you'll bare naked my shameful writing style and abstractly riddled concepts. From being afraid of being known but wanting so much to be in 2005, my technique has changed yet that fact has not by 2009. I've learnt how to tantrum with type rather than on people, yet I have invisible readers who come here only to be burdened by my legible vomits of social guilt and self-despise. I don't plan to bottle these emotions having established writing as my relief from implosion, however, I no longer intend to dwell on them (although I doubt I could be completely apart from it, since I think I've become skilled at hating myself for my embedded narcissism).

I will birth a new page to empty myself onto, but all that later. In the mean time I will spill onto the "little appendix page"- but that one never held a concrete position like this one. Both blogspots will no longer manifest my thoughts or feelings, my instability or motion-sickness. These pages are closing. Thank you. Whoever you are, I always wanted to be read, but I never wanted to be influenced by my readers into producing for them, so I appreciate you being invisible (but I do appreciate you, "ritzy", for being a regular blog-support). This chapter of self-discovery I close and a new one I will open before the new year. I suppose when I'm grown up, I'll come back here (given blogspot does not collapse on me), and remember my insecurities, my joys, a few passions and appreciate growth.

Abba, this is all very uncertain; this something new I give to you.

Goodnight, my loves.
I'll write.

ps: life ain't gonna get any better, you are.