Life ain't gonna get any better. You are.

Monday, June 22, 2009

a lone stranger

Today I went on an adventure that I would probably categorise into three separate adventures. All were miserable.
Because I went on them alone.
They say hungry dogs fight harder. I believe I have, of late, since Saturday. But it is as if my state of mind has been dislocated, sort of, so that a slight shift in thought sends spiteful jolts to remind me of pain; interrupting a once ordinary and usually carefree thought pattern. But I'm trying to re-lodge it, though it throbs and threatens like every man's worst fear. This unwelcome paranoia and sadness should not devour me much longer.

I have a plan.
I also have a new haircut (for the first time in 15months)
I try not to look at my reflections too frequently, lest I become self-absorbed in the incomplete perception I have of myself. Hair is hair! Merely dead cells we resource as an extension of our vanity!
.
What scares me most is the reveal of my actual self- not the physical. God forbid I become ugly via character alone: some selfish creature of distasteful vanity.
.
My hair? Nothing.

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