I wanted to buy cigarettes.

Today, I had a strange curiosity invade me. & as a result I wanted to buy a pack of cigarettes. The first thing to mind was "which?". Apparently deciding which brand of cigarettes is as easy as choosing flavours in an icecreamery. I didn't buy a packet. I wouldn't know what to do with it. Smoke it? Perhaps. Then I began to think. (Brace yourselves, she's thinking)

I have discovered I am owner to a small rebellion. Subtle and often quiet, but rebellious regardless. It is not entirely bad, I justify my keeping it as a challenge to the beliefs I have, knocking, testing and ultimately edifying what I believe, making me wonder: why.

Anyway, the thought occurred to me. What if, by some bizarre spontaneity, I decided I was going to smoke a cigarette and walk pass a cluster of grade-schoolers... from my church? What then? And Why?

Why are cigarettes looked upon so disdainfully by people like me?
Addiction, yes? But if it were my second (I would probably have practiced smoking at least once before a public display, to get the rhythm right and downpat) and there was no addiction, I smoked it purely out of curiosity and dare I say enjoyment. Then where is the sin in that? I am no more addicted than she with her king-size chocolate bar or he who drinks only coke. Take your pick, burn your lungs very so gradually or clog your arteries. Both just as glorious! So if I was not addicted (yet, yes I am aware of the yet) then it is simply an addition to the fabolous list of "all things are permissible, not all are benefitial".

Thus ends my hate of the cigarette. Some are addicted and I wished they weren't. Some do it illegally, of which I am unimpressed. Some do, just because they can and that is completely fine with me. If you saw me smoking my second cigarette, would it make you second guess my character? Would you think less of me? Would cigarettes lower my capability to love? So then what?

I still have never smoked a cigarette in my life but I will no longer say that I never will.
I don't hate them anymore. End.