your holding me, then your not,

then your holding me, then your not.

This particular learning curve you've guided me through I can only liken to riding a bike.
I've known how to ride a bike since "before". What's more, I had lately seemed to be progressing quite apparently: gaining speed in shorter periods and sustaining such for longer...with my training wheels.

Then you unscrew my supports and I'm left with only two wheels and a little uncertainty. With deep breaths and your hold, I begin shakily. Holding my breath as I will the gear with my kinetic energy to revolve the back wheel, I continue only with the assurance of your holding my balance. I am upright only because your strong enough to keep me there. But you need me to learn my independence, not away from you, but so you can run ahead of me and lead my path, rather than proceeding shakily at questionable speeds. "Efficiency, love."

So I learn through this process of doing; of practicing on even, level ground as preparation for this marathon through treacherous terrain that you've mapped.

Your holding me, then your not,
then your holding me, then your not,
I might tire and put my feet down to steady and stop for a little,
but you will me on, holding me, ...etc

We're close, Love. I like being close to you.
I like having you near, feeling you beside me.
However that's a blessing I cannot always afford for the sake of growth. For the sake of your heart and your plans and your strategy and the furtherance of your kingdom. I mean, I know you always are there...but i like feeling it, it makes life easier.

But enjoy it while I can, I will.
I seem to dip very frequently between the ambience of your love and the uncertainty of my ability. You must have reason for choosing me, so i suppose i have enough to run on.

Funny how it's when i finally decide to release myself from those of whom my life weighs heavily upon, that you make it impossible to escape amazing friends. Yet when I search for them to rely upon, you keep them at bay. That seems to be the pattern of late. I suppose only because it falls in line with your promise- Seek first my kingdom and all these things will be added to you.

So very secure in your hold.
So very warm in your embrace.
Shield me, love, while I draw my sword

...I hear the enemy's advancing.