What I do makes no sense

I think you'd agree, the best thing to enjoy with cauliflower is the sunset.
Nothing short of marvelous. A touch of salt to the mellow flavour, simply steamed. Beautiful visual: soft graduation of vibrant colours; darkening sky. A tease of heaven, forgotten pain. Tapered ideally with fantasies of perfection and anything beautiful, everything pure.

I don't want to go back. I will regret my failures, but I'll also learn from them. They will cost me every resource I should value: time, money, effort, energy.
I just cannot seem to summon the willpower to shake my sense of...absense; though it binds me, though it blinds me. It seems defeat is before me and I'm quite prepared to succumb.

Iwanttowanttoliveoutsidemyselfishness. Iwanttowanttoloveforyou.
Show me please, something new.