i can't find my flaming lips album...

i don't know why i was so affected by the news.

i don't know why half of me nearly died...
it wasn't the news, its just that part of me just lurched and wished forlornly in vain. I won't lie, i did feel the slightest pang of jealousy that you received what you did. But its gone now.
You've been so blessed, but so have I. In different ways. It's just like that. I'm glad for you!

Jesus, lets go, you and me, we'll plow through this field, trek up this mountain, we'll conquer the world! we'll sail the harshest seas, I know our adventures are only beginning. I know the love has only just begun to blossom, only just begun to mature, to strengthen through adversity, through my unfaithfulness. I've yet to "know" love. I am yet to discover you completely, will i ever?

I'd like for you to take me. I'd like for you to shape me; bring me through the fire. I'd like you to burn the images from my mind: my plans, my dreams, my aspirations, my fantasies. Because they too often get in the way of yours. I don't want to want anything outside of you. This fight is a little more horrific than i imagined. i forgot there were so many casualties. I wish....i mean, i pray that you be the one holding my hands up because I don't want my tiredness to cause others to fall. I was deceived again, the smokescreen was this world and it's "happy endings" and again, after long (too long) i remembered it is not the reality. The spiritual battle i've suddenly found myself reeled into, is frightening. Give me courage. Courage, my love. I want to fight, I want to do you proud, I want to save the people dying around me. I want to die to myself. I want life to the fullest meaning...with you.